The Color of Your Sorrow
Through the misted window, Matthias von Herhardt caught sight of Leila Lewellin beyond the glass.
She was running along the path, her face lit with a smile he had never seen before, bright and overflowing.
Her long golden hair, let loose, fluttered wildly in the wind.
Unconsciously, power gathered at the tips of his fingers.
Leila’s destination was surely the man walking ahead—Bill Remmer.
Matthias had been about to slow the car, but he only pressed his lips together.
In that moment, Leila reached the destination.
She flew into the gardener’s arms as lightly as a bird.
Bill scooped the girl up into his giant frame.
Leila looked even younger, still a child, nestled in those strong arms.
From within his embrace she wore the most radiant smile in the world, and Bill roared with laughter.
At that instant the car sped past them.
Matthias withdrew his gaze from the window.
He stared at his own hand, the one that had nearly reached out into emptiness, still carrying the day’s touch and scent.
The wedding was right before him.
The car passed through Arvis’s gates just as relief began to wash over him.
Leila’s wish had come true.
With Bill Uncle back, everything was right again.
Leila was no longer alone, so the sorrow of growing up, the terrible memory of her first kiss, all the confusion and despair—it had all become bearable.
Meanwhile the air grew cooler with each morning and evening, the days shortened, and Arvis began to thrum with the brightest festival spirit it had ever known.
“Oh dear. Please, please, absolutely every dish in the world I’ll be making!”
Mrs. Mona, who had barely stolen time to escape into the forest for a picnic, scolded with mock severity.
“If the engagement party is this grand, I fear what the wedding will be like.”
Mrs. Mona settled her hips on the chair beside Bill Remmer and launched into her full-fledged grumbling.
Leila, fresh from milking the goat on her way home, greeted them with a cheerful smile.
“Wait just a little longer, Leila. Tomorrow I’ll feed you so much you’ll never get tired of it. No matter how many guests I invite, I won’t even eat half of what I prepare, will I?”
Mrs. Mona gave a kind laugh.
Leila unconsciously clutched the front of her blouse.
The red mark on the duke’s nape had not faded even after several days.
Every time she caught her reflection in the mirror and saw that trace, shame and humiliation would choke her.
“Is the engagement party tomorrow?”
“Not ‘tomorrow.’ Don’t say that, Leila. I… I mean, I hope it passes quickly no matter what.”
“Tomorrow, huh…”
Leila whispered softly, then smiled again.
“Yes, Auntie. I’ll look forward to it.”
As if erasing a nightmare memory, Leila forced herself to smile brighter.
Since that day, the duke had not come to the forest even once.
It was fortunate.
“I love chocolate cookies. Strawberry cake too!”
“Whether chocolate or strawberry, there’s enough to fill a mountain. I’ll bring you plenty.”
“What should I give as thanks?”
“Thanks for what? Just eat lots and grow strong.”
“Will that be enough, like Uncle Bill?”
“Oh dear, Leila, you’ll block the path to marriage.”
Mrs. Mona laughed heartily and waved her hands as she stood.
Bill Remmer, whose thick brows had been twitching, finally cracked a smile.
When Mrs. Mona left, the cottage settled into its usual evening.
After eating dinner with Uncle and cleaning the house, Leila reopened the textbooks she had neglected.
She had meant to study only a little before sleeping, but when she looked up, dawn had broken.
It was the day of the duke’s engagement.
Leila set her glasses on the desk and rubbed her tired eyes as she walked to the window.
She opened the curtains, and cool morning air rushed in.
As morning approached, the sky turned clear and transparent blue.
At that moment she thought the color looked exactly like one last candy.
Then she realized—the duke’s eyes were the same shade of blue.
Claudine had chosen a pale pink dress.
The silk layered with chiffon made her look elegant and radiant, as befitting the heroine of tonight.
“You are truly beautiful, Claudine!”
The Brandt countess exclaimed in awe while watching her daughter.
Behind her, Brandt’s face mirrored the same sentiment.
Claudine offered a quiet, modest smile.
Even in that moment, pride and satisfaction burned in her eyes as she admired her own reflection in the mirror.
Claudine had decided to hold the engagement party at Arvis.
She spoke of respecting and honoring the Herhardt family, yet the larger desire was to establish her own presence as the future mistress of Arvis.
“Marie, is the girl still out there?”
Claudine turned lightly and asked her maid.
“It’s time… ah! She’s just coming from the garden now!”
The maid, peering out the window, rushed to report.
The countess’s forehead furrowed when she caught the direction of the maid’s gaze.
Leila Lewellin carried a basket of flowers and climbed the marble steps connecting the rose garden and the mansion.
“Why did you call her again? For heaven’s sake, Claudine Brandt!”
“It’s fine, Mother.”
A calm light entered Claudine’s eyes.
“I only need flowers to decorate my hair.”
“Why must you force that girl to do it?”
“Well, why not?”
Claudine shrugged lightly before returning to the mirror.
Her reflection no longer smiled.
“As long as I receive the flowers, it would be nice to receive congratulations from an old friend too.”
The duke’s residence, prepared to welcome guests for the engagement party, hummed with excitement.
Leila entered the servants’ passage at the rear of the house.
Even after shaking her feet several times, stepping on the mirror-like floor required careful steps.
Claudine had sent a maid all the way to the cottage to summon Leila.
The moment Leila received the order to pick roses, she understood.
What the Brandt young lady truly wanted was not the flowers.
When Leila reached the fourth-floor guest wing where Claudine stayed, her steps slowed.
White knuckles showed on the hand gripping the basket.
Her heart beat irregularly, and her lips grew constantly dry.
No.
Leila repeated the words to herself.
The incident from that afternoon in the woods was nothing more than a terrible accident.
Perhaps the duke had dismissed it the same way.
No. It must be. So it was all right.
Just as she steeled herself, Leila stood before Claudine’s bedroom door.
With a firm knock, the door opened smoothly.
“Good morning, miss. I have brought the roses you requested.”
Leila greeted with perfect courtesy, as always.
Claudine wore the same light pink dress Leila had brought.
“How do I look? Does it suit me?”
Claudine approached Leila with a bright smile.
“Yes, miss. You look beautiful.”
The answer was sincere.
Today, Claudine was as beautiful as a fully bloomed rose.
“You were so tense. I’m relieved you said that. Will it look the same to the eyes of the Duke of Herhardt?”
“…Yes.”
Leila’s gaze wavered at the man’s name.
“It will.”
A faint tremor colored her hurried reply.
She felt as though she had become the most brazen thief.
For Leila it was terrifying, yet she could not shake the feeling of being utterly shameless.
That last shred of pride she had struggled to protect in front of Claudine all these years was eating away at her, making her feel small.
When Claudine signaled, the maid accepted the basket of roses.
And then, as naturally as breathing, she handed over money—more than usual, a sum that cut even deeper into Leila’s heart.
“What are you doing? Don’t take it without gratitude.”
The maid scolded the hesitant Leila with a furrowed brow.
Leila forced strength into the hand clutching the money and lowered her head.
It had been repeated countless times since childhood, so it was nothing new now.
“Thank you, miss.”
Fortunately, Leila managed a calm greeting.
Claudine looked down at her with an expressionless face, then soon recovered her bright smile.
“Not at all. Rather, I should thank you, Leila. Thanks to you, the engagement party will be perfect.”
Claudine ended the conversation by turning away.
Relieved, Leila hurried out of the room.
She only wanted to escape this uncomfortable, unfamiliar place as quickly as possible, yet she could not act so recklessly.
After adjusting her clothes and fixing her grip on the basket, Leila began to hurry at her fastest pace within the allowed limits.
But just before the servants’ passage exit, she collided with the duke coming up the stairs.
“So it is Miss Brandt’s errand, Leila.”
Hessen, standing behind the duke, spoke with a gentle smile.
Leila returned the polite greeting and quickly retreated to the edge of the corridor.
She only wanted him gone, but the duke stood motionless where he was and looked down at Leila.
Leila glanced up briefly, her cheeks flushing as she lowered her head further.
Their eyes met.
Only that, yet her heart raced wildly.
The duke looked completely unaffected.
As if he had forgotten everything.
Like a fool.
Just when she was about to flee in disgrace, the duke walked past Leila.
Only after his footsteps no longer echoed did Leila escape the duke’s residence like a fleeing thief.
Thereafter, ordinary days unfolded.
As evening drew near, the guests invited to the engagement party began to arrive at Arvis, yet the cottage deep in the hunting grounds remained as quiet as another world.
There, Leila lived her life diligently.
She weeded the vegetable garden, cleaned the goat pen, cooked stew for dinner, and folded dried laundry in the sunlight.
After finishing everything, she walked alone through the forest.
She walked without purpose until she reached the riverbank.
Leila climbed her favorite beautiful elm tree and watched the peaceful summer evening landscape.
It was beautiful—the birds flying across the sky, the Schulter River reddening in the sunset, the white boathouse floating like a swan upon its waters.
All of it burned into her eyes.
When the sun finally set and the first clear darkness of evening descended, Leila gazed at the sky still painted with that last candy-blue light.
You had eyes the color of my sorrow.
For some reason, a hollow laugh escaped Leila.
It was then that she sensed someone approaching.
“Kyle!”
Leila exclaimed in delight upon spotting the familiar face beneath the tree.
“How did you know I was here?”
“You love evening walks in summer, and when you take them, you always come to this riverbank.”
Kyle’s eyes, stripped of their usual mischief, were deeper and gentler than before.
The unfamiliarity of the sight made Leila watch him quietly.
The rustle of leaves shaken by the wind crossing the river slipped into the silence between them.
“Leila.”
After a long moment, Kyle opened his lips.
Leila tilted her head slightly in response.
“Let’s get married.”
The words, too unreal, floated on the soft evening breeze.
While Leila stood dazed like a dreamer, Kyle spoke again, this time with more weight.
“Let’s get married, Leila.”