Even If Roses Bloom, a Season Without You

By the time Matthias finished his bath, the night had grown deep. He stood leaning against the window that opened onto the garden, his robe loosely fastened.

Compared with the vast estate of Arvis, famed for its beautiful gardens and forests, the garden of the mansion in Lutz was modest. Set in the heart of the city, its grounds were not particularly spacious, and neither the previous Dukes of Herhardt nor Matthias himself had ever taken the slightest interest in landscaping.

For that reason the garden of the Lutz mansion had been arranged merely enough to keep up appearances. Yet when the season arrived in which the many varieties of roses transplanted from Arvis bloomed in full, even this meager garden became something worth looking at.

Whenever the scent of roses began to ride the wind, Matthias would think of the summer he would spend back at the estate. Into that thought there suddenly floated Leila—the little girl who used to come and go through the garden, helping with the gardener’s odd jobs—and Matthias found himself frowning without realizing it.

From that child there had come a body scent like the fragrance of roses. As if she were the rose that a gardener gifted with a natural genius for growing them had cultivated with the greatest care. In that case, what the gardener had raised in the forest seemed to be his misfortune as well. Leila, who was nothing at all—what was a name like that even worth?

Matthias closed the window and turned away. Droplets clinging to the ends of his wet hair fell to his feet.

It was better this way, after all. The doctor’s son was a match the likes of Leila Lewellin could never even dream of. If, thanks to Kyle Etman’s foolish pure love, she could become Mrs. Etman and attend university in the capital, it would be the luck and blessing of a lifetime for Leila Lewellin.

“……Leila.”

He whispered the name quietly. If that beautiful misfortune would only disappear from before his eyes, it would be to his benefit as well. So perhaps he ought to give that marriage the biggest applause of anyone.

Yet even with the window shut, even with the wind stilled, the rose scent still lingered at the tip of his nose. Belatedly Matthias discovered the vase of roses placed on the console. Someone had cut roses blooming in the garden and set them in the bedroom.

His gaze, passing over the vase, lingered a moment on the golden birdcage before returning to the flowers.

“Leila.”

Spoken more clearly, the name was even sweeter.

A season without you, even if roses bloom.

Picturing that world, Matthias closed a full hand around the lush blossoms in the vase. The roses were a pale pink—like Leila’s tearful cheeks and the rims of her eyes. Inside the grip that gradually tightened, the roses were crushed.

It was certainly for the best.

He could agree to that readily enough.

But, well.

Matthias’s eyes slowly narrowed.

Could something like a season without you, even if roses bloom, even exist? The flowers would bloom and I would return—so how could you not be there? How?

In the questions that followed, Matthias recalled a memory he had not known he still held: that in the summer garden where roses bloomed in full, that child had always been there. As if she were a part of Arvis.

In other words, as if she were his.

In the moment when he could not cast away the roses he had torn and crushed, his bird cried out, and for the first time in his life Matthias wanted to kill someone. Whether it was the doctor’s son or that woman remained unclear.

Only after the night had grown infinitely deep did Matthias release the pulp of flower petals. And with hands thickly scented with roses he tore the documents that had been lying on the table—the papers for extending his service as an officer of the Royal Guard by one year, which had to be submitted by the following week.

“I’m in favor.”

Bill finally brought out the words he had hesitated over for a long time with force. Leila, sitting across the table, wore a puzzled expression.

“About that Kyle kid. I’m very much in favor. Completely in favor.”

“Uncle…”

Leila wrinkled her nose, but Bill did not stop.

“Just accept him already. And marry that kid and go to university. I sincerely hope for that, Leila.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Don’t you like Kyle too?”

“But me marrying Kyle is something that doesn’t make sense.”

“What doesn’t make sense about it? People marrying because they like each other.”

Bill felt a surge of emotion again, but Leila’s eyes remained calm.

“It would make a laughingstock of Kyle and the Etman family.”

“Dr. Etman has given his permission too.”

“But……”

“Leila, throw away all those various thoughts and just look into your own heart.”

Bill’s voice rose.

“If you like Kyle, you marry him, and if not, you don’t. Everything else is useless.”

Blinking, Leila took a big gulp of the beer in front of her.

The child who had seemed destined to grow into an excellent drinker had lived up to Bill’s expectations. Now the two of them were also drinking companions who chatted over a glass of beer each.

“I like Kyle. There isn’t a friend as comfortable, warm, and kind as Kyle anywhere in this world.”

Wiping the beer foam from around her mouth, Leila looked at Bill with a much more serious gaze.

“So I don’t want to make a laughingstock of him.”

“No, what’s wrong with you! Why on earth are you so lacking in confidence, Leila? Huh?”

“It’s not that. I like who I am now, Uncle. I think I’m a person who has nothing to be ashamed of, no matter what people say. And I’m trying to become a good adult, just as you expect.”

When she squinted, the eyes beyond Leila’s glasses took on a slightly deeper light.

“But Uncle, I don’t really know about marriage. Whether I really have to get married—a marriage that might even make a laughingstock of all my efforts.”

“Heh heh. I hope you’re not saying you want to shut yourself up in this cabin for a lifetime and live with this old bachelor, Leila.”

“I want to do that. I don’t want to leave this forest of Arvis, or you, Uncle.”

“You’re saying something dreadful.”

“I have my teaching certificate now, so I plan to get a position at a school near Arvis. And I want to keep living just like this. Here, with you, Uncle. Now I can be of help to you too.”

“Where would the forest go? This forest will always be here. And so will I. Well, if I get older and lose my strength and quit the gardener’s job I’ll have to leave, but this Bill Remmer is still hale and hearty, so a dozen years or so is no problem.”

This time Bill gulped down his beer.

“Even if you leave here and go to university or get married, no matter where you are or what you do, Leila, you’re this Bill Remmer’s little kid Leila.”

Bill reached across the table and gently took Leila’s small hand.

Now the university entrance exam was right around the corner, but Leila showed no sign of changing her mind. It had been so frustrating that he had prepared this occasion after several days of fretting.

“If you marry into the Etman family, you’ll live as neighbors, and what could be better than that?”

“Uncle.”

“And Leila, though rare in this world, there are men like that. Men who give you the conviction that they will live as good husbands, good fathers without fail. That Kyle kid is exactly that kind of man.”

Patting the back of Leila’s hand, Bill smiled.

“Think about it. The wonderful thing of marrying that good kid and making a real family. Having kids until the whole house is bustling with them, too. Kyle will make sure you’re never lonely for the rest of your life.”

“……We’re real too.”

Leila, who had been fiddling with Bill’s fingers, raised her head. The corners of her eyes were red.

“We’re family too, Uncle. A real family.”

“Well, that……”

This little child, as if she had brought her tear ducts with her from Lovita, kept making the rims of his eyes grow hot.

“If you think it’s real, then you ought to listen to this Bill Remmer’s words all the more!”

Bill raised his voice for no reason and thrust the envelope he had prepared in advance in front of Leila with a plop. Leila, who received it in surprise and opened it, had her eyes go wide. It was an envelope containing a train ticket to Lutz and travel money.

“Since the exam is next week, study very hard starting tomorrow. You always study hard, but still, to pass you need to study even harder. If you don’t go to Lutz, it means you think of me as a fake.”

“Uncle!”

“If you don’t take the entrance exam, I’ll never look at you again, Leila.”

Releasing Leila’s hand, Bill sat with his shoulders squared and looked down at the child high-handedly. Though even so, his gaze was infinitely warm and could not pose any threat.

Leila sank into thought while holding the envelope in her hand. Bill gazed deeply at the appearance of the child, as clever and lovable as in her childhood, as if engraving it on his heart.

Presently, having finished her fretting, Leila still with a serious expression thrust the glass she had raised with a flourish in front of Bill—just like the way that little one had imitated adults in those days.

Bill willingly clinked his own glass against the one Leila held out. Leila downed the glass that now held real alcohol in one go. Her face would turn bright red soon enough, but for now she still put on a steadfast imitation of a drinker.

“Even if I fail, we’re still real, right?”

At that watery question, Bill almost had the rims of his eyes heat up foolishly again.

“I’ll think about that once.”

Contrary to his gruff tone, Bill’s smile was warm. Leila, who had been watching him quietly, also smiled. As if it were real.

“You’ll definitely like that place the most. The natural history museum.”

Kyle said once more with conviction.

“It’ll be like heaven for you, won’t it?”

Kyle, who had been rattling off the places one must visit in the capital Lutz, was most excited when it came to talking about the natural history museum. Outside the rattling train window, the spring scenery of blooming flowers was flowing past.

It was Leila’s first time in Lutz, but Kyle often visited relatives’ houses in the capital and knew the place well. Kyle suggested they stay together at that house, but Leila decided to lodge at a small hotel nearby.

“You’ll be tired today, so shall we go tomorrow?”

“I have to study for the exam.”

“What’s going to change by working hard right before the exam? Studying is something you do ahead of time.”

“Wow. You seem quite confident, Mr. Etman.”

“Of course, Miss Lewellin.”

“Amazing.”

“So marry me.”

Ah. I thought it was strange that he wasn’t saying that greeting today.

Instead of casually delivering her usual refusal, Leila stared intently at Kyle’s face. At the changed reaction, Kyle flinched instead.

“Wh-what? Why are you like this?”

“Hey, Kyle. Can you imagine it?”

“Imagine what?”

“Us becoming each other’s husband and wife.”

Leila’s expression grew serious, and Kyle’s two cheeks flushed red.

“I can! I imagine it! As much as I want!”

“I don’t really know. It seems a bit strange. That we get married and have kids and become that kind of relationship.”

“What are you talking about. It’s not strange at all, you know?”

“Really? That we engage in reproductive acts to make a baby, give birth and raise it, that kind of thing, really?”

“Re… re, what?”

Kyle doubted his own ears. Even if he had misheard, it felt like he had misheard something way off, but Leila, who had thrown the bomb, wore a face that was shamelessly innocent.

“Reproductive acts.”

Once more, without so much as twitching an eyebrow, she threw the bomb.

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of, Kyle. It’s something all living things do for the preservation of the species. Birds do it and flowers do it.”

“Do you even know what you’re saying right now?”

“Yeah. I’m just a bit weak in geometry, but I’m pretty good at other subjects.”

At Leila’s proud smile, Kyle now found his breath catching in his throat.

“The idea of us doing that seems a little strange to me, and also……”

“Uh… Leila, h-here, eat this.”

Kyle stuffed a piece of sandwich between the lips of Leila who kept chattering on. It wasn’t even the hot season yet, but the inside of the train felt just like an oven.

Leila, who had bitten into the sandwich in surprise, chewed and swallowed it, then was about to open her mouth again. This time Kyle stuffed a cookie into that mouth.

“Eat this too.”

Please, no more of that talk, please.

Swallowing the words he wanted to say, Kyle just shook his head back and forth.

When your mind is in a whirl, think of my shovel handle.

This morning when he went to the cabin to pick up Leila, Uncle Bill who greeted him had said it—with a face wearing a quite kind yet chilling smile.

Yes, the shovel handle.

Kyle thought of Uncle Bill’s enormous shovel, dirt-covered and looking more like a weapon.

“So Kyle, what I mean is……”

Leila, who had somehow finished even the cookie, opened her lips again. The lips with cookie crumbs on them were prettily red.

“Just one more word.”

Kyle, who had been clutching his head, muttered in a sighing tone.

“Huh?”

“If you say one more word……”

Swallowing the true feelings blocked by the shovel handle, Kyle made a resolute declaration.

“I’ll jump off the train.”