Gentle Madness
“Ah, yes. You called for me?”
Noah smiled. Unlike the overbearing manner he'd wielded against Kasika, his face now wore a hint of indulgence. What is with him? Kasika wondered.
“It seems the title of madam suits you less than that of teacher.”
“…….”
“Have you taken on another pupil since then? Ah, but as a marchioness, I suppose you'd have had no need to.”
“No. Since coming here, there's been no particular reason to.”
As Kasika answered, Noah's expression hardened once more. She couldn't fathom why he wore such a face. She had never been able to read what Noah was thinking. It had been the same when he was young — his expressions were simply absent. Always composed and formal, except on the rare occasions when he smiled…… or was that right? Perhaps that was why the sight of him crying had stayed with her so vividly. Even that memory was hazy now — she could only recall that he had wept, nothing more.
“I take it you were rarely addressed as madam,” Noah said.
“I suppose not.”
Kasika answered. Lydia, Lucy, and Max had all called her madam, but for the most part there had been no need — the only person they ever spoke to was Kasika herself, so the word rarely reached her ears.
“I'm the only one in this manor, you see,” she added. There were servants, yes, but servants and nobility were, by strict convention, two separate worlds.
“Then I assume guests didn't call often.”
“The House of Lamplis has no remaining relatives.”
“No personal callers either?”
“I have no relatives of my own either.”
Though she'd only learned that fact a few days ago. Noah said, “……Yes, of course.” He spoke like a man who had entirely forgotten that he was the one who'd delivered the news. And meanwhile, what am I supposed to do about this? Kasika kept turning the problem over in her mind, while Noah, giving no thought whatsoever to what occupied her, pressed on.
“And no friends in society, it seems.”
“I never moved in society.”
“Even if the Lamplis fortune was wanting, you could have managed at least that much.”
“I simply don't care for it.”
Entry into society, after all, required several conditions. Money, of course, but also connections. And a measure of experience, naturally. Most noblewomen possessed all three; Kasika had possessed none of them.
“In that case.”
Noah spoke, his gaze fixed on her face.
“It seems no man but Marquis Lamplis has ever had you.”
“…….”
Kasika held her tongue.
His eyes would not leave her face. Should I answer or not — and if I do, should I lie or tell the truth? Her lips parted, hesitated, and then she remembered that the best answer was silence, and pressed them firmly shut.
Noah asked, “Have I said something improper?”
“Surely not.”
“Then what is your answer?”
Why, this little— Kasika didn't answer. She simply smiled.
Whether that counted as an answer or not, Noah's expression stiffened.
“That is none of a viscount's concern, I should think.”
“If I'm to be your lover, wouldn't it become my concern? How many men came sniffing after you before you married.”
Sniffing after me — and what exactly do you intend to do about it?
Kasika found this conversation deeply uncomfortable.
And yet there was no escaping it.
For a start, the whole exchange had gone past the bounds of propriety. To be sure, the lofty lords of the aristocracy only wore elegance like a coat, and were beneath it the most scheming of creatures — but at least they kept that ruthlessness off their sleeves. What nobleman asks his own lover how many men she's had?
……Do they, though?
She wouldn't know, never having taken a lover. She'd never been a wife before either, come to that — though legally she had been one, so she'd grant the point. Besides, nothing had even been agreed between them yet.
Kasika considered how best to deflect the question and concluded that changing the subject was her safest course.
“Lord Lambroise—”
“Noah.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Call me Noah. We're meant to grow close, aren't we?”
“……Noah. You said—”
“Well, that form would do as well.”
“You said you had no wish to marry.”
“Yes.”
“I'd only be a lover for appearances' sake. Is there any need for conversations like this? You're simply looking for someone to escort briefly through society, aren't you?”
Kasika said. Noah smiled. So the question — aren't you just looking for a pretty doll to keep on your arm while you do nothing? — had evidently sounded to him like a declaration that no rumor or scandal of any kind should ever touch her. Noah replied, “So you'd have me keep some suitable lover at your side and see other women behind your back?”
“…….”
“You've made up your mind to ruin my reputation, haven't you, madam.”
So what you mean is that I should become your lover — and have you at my side as well?
Somehow, she doubted that was it. Not that Kasika hadn't been doing her earnest best to come to terms with the situation.
Granted, that best had amounted to figuring out how one might find a handsome commoner who, at the very worst, would take her maidenhood and get his neck unceremoniously wrung for it. But honestly, however noble she might be and however little a commoner's life might count beside a fly's, wasn't it rather cruel to assign anyone such a role?
Besides, in neighboring lands and neighboring continents alike, citizens were rising in the streets to demand sovereignty and freedom. Even here, across the water, the age had arrived where a commoner's life was grudgingly acknowledged to be worth somewhat more than a fly's — or a dog's.
Which meant, in effect…… a handsome commoner, worth slightly more than a dog.
Oh, this is hopeless. Truly hopeless.
“Viscount Lambroise.”
Perhaps refusal really would be the better choice.
“Yes, madam?”
“For a lover of that sort, there are far better candidates than I. Beauty aside — breeding, standing in society, and so on.”
“I have little interest in meeting such people.”
“Why not?”
“Because they want more than I'm willing to give.”
“And you believe I won't?”
At her words, Noah regarded her in silence.
His face said, as if you would.
I beg your pardon — what exactly do you take me for? Kasika thought. She had her ambitions too, such as they were; it was only that inconvenience outweighed ambition by a comfortable margin. At the sharp look she fixed on him, Noah gave a low chuckle. “Yes. I don't believe you will.”
And what are you basing that certainty on?
“You've always been that way.”
“That was nine years ago. I do have wants of my own, you know.”
“Then show me those wants.”
“…….”
Kasika closed her mouth. No — when a man tells you outright to want something, the wanting rather dies on the spot. All that crept up instead was a slow, chilling fear that she might be stepping into something dangerous for no good reason at all.
“Even if you have them, you've no intention of acting on them,” Noah said. “And you lie magnificently, madam. Which I find absolutely delightful.”
What lies? I'm hardly a gifted liar. And when have I ever lied to you? Kasika stared at him, bewildered. At the very least, she had never once lied to Noah Lambroise.
Had she? Surely not.
What could she possibly have gained by deceiving him of all people? She started to ask, then stopped. Talking to him was an exertion she simply didn't have the patience for.
“Isn't that so?”
Isn't what so? Kasika shot back, setting aside the question of her supposed lying. She simply could not understand what he found so delightful about it.
“What exactly is delightful about my being a good liar?”
“This.”
Noah paused a moment before answering.
“A lover is not merely a woman who stands at one's side.”
If not merely a woman at your side, then what else is a lover supposed to mean?
Of course, the word encompassed more than that — but for any deeper design, Kasika simply didn't know enough. She hadn't so much as made a society debut; she had spent nine years shut away in the middle of nowhere. Given the choice between keeping an ignoramus like her at one's side and hiring any of the far more useful noblewomen in the capital, any sensible man would choose the latter.
“A partner, rather,” Noah said. A partner. As if. What Kasika meant by the word and what Noah meant by it were, it seemed, worlds apart.
“Someone to hatch schemes with, you might say.”
What on earth is going on inside that head of his? What could he possibly be planning, that he would come all this way to speak of lovers and partners to a marchioness widowed early from a husband buried in the back of beyond — passing over the endless supply of noblewomen to travel this far, of all places?
By now she was genuinely curious what game he was playing.
And then—
“Besides, it's an offer rather difficult to refuse, isn't it? You can hardly bear those debts yourself.”
Right. The money. There was that, too.
“Surely, madam, you don't imagine that because I've been speaking so pleasantly, this is a mere invitation?”
“Have you been speaking pleasantly?”
Kasika asked. Noah smiled. He had, in fact, been nothing but pleasant this whole while. His voice dropped low as he looked at her. He had merely lifted his chin, and yet the arrogance radiated off him. He stroked his jaw, then let his hand fall, laced his fingers together, and rested them on his knee. He opened his mouth.