Life Begins at Twenty

"You're too late."

But I-eum had to face defeat.

Clutching the temporary student ID Ji-hoon had given her, she had sprinted to the test administration office like a madwoman, only to be told it was already too late.

"Please, I— hah! There were circumstances…."

The official looked at her with pity as she stood there gasping for breath, but shook his head all the same.

"I'm sorry, student. The test papers have already been distributed."

Her legs gave out beneath her, and I-eum swayed where she stood.

She had worked night and day for this one day. She had to score a perfect mark— it was the only option. It felt as though her entire life was collapsing around her, as if every future she had ever dreamed of was turning to dust and scattering on the wind.

Independence. Freedom. The marriage to Ji-hoon she had longed for so desperately.

"Student! Are you all right?"

She didn't even notice the officials rushing toward her; she had half lost consciousness.

Only after a long while had passed did she walk out of the examination grounds alone.

Pushing aside the question of whether she could even make it home by herself, she tried to picture what her life would become now. Forget university and independence— she would be forced into marriage with Assemblyman Park, a man thirty years her senior. Once she graduated, she and Ji-hoon would naturally be parted, and the single thread of hope that some different life might be waiting for her somewhere….

"It's all gone."

She murmured the words into the empty air, and her feet seemed to sink into the ground beneath her, forcing her to a stop. She couldn't make her legs move at all.

"I-eum."

Then, as if by magic, Ji-hoon's voice reached her.

She looked up in disbelief. He was standing outside the school gate.

"How did you…."

She had assumed he would have left by now. At the sight of his face, the tears she had been holding back spilled down her cheeks. He would understand, wouldn't he? What it meant to be walking out of the examination grounds alone at this hour, when the first section had already begun.

"They wouldn't let you take it?"

At his single question, the injustice welled up in her all over again and her throat closed tight. In the end, unable to hold back the flood, she buried her face in both hands and wept.

Ji-hoon would understand. How hard she had worked. How much she had longed and dreamed of becoming an adult and living a different life.

Ji-hoon watched her for a moment as she sobbed uncontrollably in place, like a small child, then slowly walked over and pulled her into his arms.

"I know it hurts."

"Hck— kkh. Kkh."

"Cry all you want. It's okay."

"Uuuh— hck, ah, aaah…!"

With her face pressed against his chest, she wailed as if screaming. Her whole body went limp with sobbing, but every time it did, Ji-hoon held her firmly in place.

Passersby began to gather around the girl crying her heart out, but Ji-hoon only drew her deeper into his embrace, shielding her from every gaze, and let her weep.

Inside his arms, I-eum grieved to her heart's content.

It was a young girl's burning, bitter defeat.

I-eum clamped a straw between her lips, her eyes swollen into slits. The dark cola crept slowly up the straw. As she stared down at the hamburger set spread out generously before her, her eyes were so lifeless that not a trace of vitality remained in them.

"Thank you for the food."

But after all that crying, she was hungry, and the moment she came back to herself, she had a feeling that only something greasy and intense would wash the grief away. So she had begged Ji-hoon to buy her a hamburger.

When she opened her mouth wide and took a big bite, the rich, savory scent of the patty filled her senses. She dipped a salt-dusted fry in ketchup, shoved it in, and washed it all down with another gulp of cola.

"…I'm sorry. For crying that hard."

"Your nose was running too."

At that, I-eum strained her puffy, uncooperative eyelids and stuck out her lips in a pout.

"Tch. That's just how crying works, okay? The nose comes with it."

"You did well."

His expensive shirt now bore the unmistakable prints of her eyes, nose, and mouth. The spots that had soaked with tears and dried into wrinkled patches embarrassed her so much that she'd offered to wash it for him, but he had flatly refused.

"Isn't it exhausting? Crying takes stamina, you know."

"It is exhausting."

"Finish your hamburger and think about what you want next. I'll buy you ice cream for dessert."

"Why didn't you leave?"

Her voice had given out from wailing so hard, and the question came out in a hoarse murmur, half to herself.

"Were you planning to wait until my exam was over?"

Ji-hoon, who had been slowly chewing a long fry, wiped the salt from his fingers with a napkin before answering.

"I figured you'd come out without taking it."

"…."

"It was going to be tight on time, no matter what."

So he had sensed it too.

The truth was, when she'd received the temporary ID from Ji-hoon and rushed into the examination hall, only five minutes remained before entry closed. If she'd had her test voucher, she might just barely have made it. But without it, sitting the exam was impossible— perhaps, deep down, she had already known.

Still, she was grateful Ji-hoon had been there. If it hadn't been for him, she couldn't have cried her eyes out like that, couldn't have eaten a hamburger. No— she wouldn't even have made it to the examination grounds at that hour. She'd have been hauled off to the hospital instead.

But as she turned these thoughts over, a memory suddenly brushed across her mind, and her eyes flew wide open.

"Teacher. It's not like I only get one chance at this, right?"

"What chance?"

"The marriage cond—!"

"Failing to meet the terms of the marriage is regrettable."

Ji-hoon raised his eyebrows just enough to make it clear that any clever scheming would not be tolerated. I-eum's shoulders slumped in disappointment.

"That's so mean. You can't even comfort someone whose life is ruined?"

"Who said your life is ruined? Such a little thing, already acting like she's lived it all."

"Then what would you call this, if not ruined?"

"What is it? It's one part of life, that's all."

One part of life.

I-eum had wanted nothing of the kind. After her mother left the house, her life had been nothing but darkness. Bounced from the homes of relatives she'd never met, passed around like an unwanted burden, catching cold looks as she wedged herself between them, grimly enduring the bullying from Koo Sung-joon and his gang at school. The one light she'd believed she had left was the future waiting ahead of her.

Of all her childhood memories of her mother, one remained unusually vivid: the stories her mother used to tell her about the future.

"I-eum, do you know what Mom dreamed of being when she was little?"

Even now, thinking of that conversation brought back a warm, cozy scent, as if her mother were right beside her.

"Mom wanted to be a traveler."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to live free."

What expression had her mother worn when she said those words? She must have been smiling— happy. Whether or not it was a memory I-eum had constructed herself, her mother had been smiling as she stroked little I-eum's forehead.

"But after I had you, my dream changed. Mom wants to spend the rest of her life protecting you, living as your mother."

At the time, I-eum had been too young to understand. Wasn't a mother a mother forever, once she became one?

"Can the future change?"

"Of course. The future is built from all the choices you make right now, stacking up one by one."

"Then my future— you know—!"

I-eum had been certain her future would shine bright and brilliant. Back then, she had been confident, and she had been happy.

As she sat lost in a past she could never return to, a napkin printed with the hamburger joint's logo appeared in front of her. Only then did she realize she was dripping tears, fat and ugly, one after another.

"This isn't really my style, saying things like this."

Ji-hoon spoke to her as she dabbed at her eyes with the napkin, his voice gruff but unmistakably warm.

"Stumbling once doesn't mean your life is over."

"…."

"Hurt for now. Be as upset as you need to be. Then get back up."

I-eum stared at him in silence. His calm expression and matter-of-fact tone somehow seemed to understand her more deeply than any extravagant consolation could have.

"I'll help you."

And for the first time, she truly felt like she might be okay.

"Life doesn't start until you're twenty. Got it?"

As if to tell her to buck up, Ji-hoon picked out the plumpest fry of the bunch and pushed it gently between her lips.