You Can't Leave Me

Lost in thought, I caught a voice somewhere nearby, thick with tears. Startled, I looked around and soon realized the sound was coming from Sion's direction.

"Sion...?"

I slipped quietly off the bed and went to him, worried he might be caught in a nightmare. One look was enough to tell me it wasn't a nightmare at all.

"I miss you..."

Sion was crying, dreaming of his parents.

"Sion, you..."

I could only stare, murmuring blankly at the sight of him. Then it struck me what I had let myself forget. All I had been thinking about was how to send him away. I had pretended it didn't matter—even when he clung to me and begged me not to abandon him—when the truth was that he, too, must have had a place he longed to return to more than anywhere else.

Perhaps he sensed me there. Sion's eyes opened.

"...Why are you crying?"

"Ah..."

Drop by drop, tears that were unmistakably mine fell onto his cheek. I understood his heart, if only a little. Our circumstances weren't the same, but I had also lost people I loved. Debt had chased the memory out of me, yet the truth was that I had missed that time terribly.

"You..."

Because I pitied him. Because it was like looking at myself as a child. Because of that.

"Master..."

Sion lifted his hand. Slowly it rose and closed around my neck, as if it might tighten. I held still and met those blue eyes, and at last his hand, with effort, came to rest against my cheek—clinging, yearning.

I had no answer for him.

In the end I didn't sleep a wink all night. I stared emptily at the rising sun, then turned a resentful gaze on Sion, who was sleeping soundly. Someone else had lain awake with a heart in knots because of him, and here he was, dead to the world. It was a little irritating—until I remembered the way he had cried, and then I couldn't quite bring myself to be irritated after all.

My feelings were simply a tangle. For a moment I wondered whether I could really let Sion go. Right on the heels of that doubt came the resolve that I had to, somehow. What had happened in the small hours had given me a measure of certainty: parting was what was best for me, and for Sion.

Knock, knock.

A knock cut through my thoughts. I looked toward the door, puzzled. It opened carefully, and Rita peeked in.

I had told her not to come up on the first day until I called, but while I had been away she had looked after Sion, and the two of them had grown quite close. Even so, seeing her glance at me as if she might be scolded stirred a flicker of pity.

"What is it?"

At my question Rita came in, glanced at the sleeping Sion, and said,

"Today's the day you're going to the riding grounds, isn't it?"

"Ah... right."

Her reminder brought back another of Aine's hobbies: horseback riding. I nodded, studied Sion a moment longer, then called Rita out of the room. She stepped out looking puzzled. Once the door was shut, I asked in a low voice,

"How far along is the cleaning of the annex?"

"Pardon? I think there's still about a week left."

"Tell them to hurry it along. And does Sion still act wary of you these days?"

"No. These days he just... well, I think he manages a greeting, at least."

"Does he?"

I frowned, thoughtful, and Rita blinked at me in confusion. Soon I turned to her.

"I'll tell Sion ahead of time, so from now on, take him out during the day. Walks in the garden, places like that. Stick to spots with as few people as possible, and if you run into anyone, keep your distance."

"Yes... that isn't difficult, but why? Did something happen?"

Something had happened, all right. I thought back to last night. Sion might not remember it, but I had sensed the danger then—the clear understanding that if I left things as they were, it would be dangerous. Those tear-bright blue eyes, the hand that had closed around my throat, and...

Master...

You can't leave me.

That voice—clinging, strangely persistent—was still vivid. I didn't fully understand it, but I had a feeling that if I kept Sion only at my side, he would never leave at all. It would never end.

We'll need separate rooms, too.

From what Rita said, he seemed to have lowered his guard with her, more or less. He must have realized by now that staying here wasn't dangerous, so I thought it might be all right to separate us again, little by little.

I'm sorry, Sion, but...

The reason I kept him beside me was that I wanted him to learn not every human meant to threaten him or use him. I hoped that as his wariness toward people eased, and at last every suspicion fell away, I could burn the Slave Deed and he would go find a life of his own. I had believed, without a doubt, that it would happen that way.

As of yesterday, that belief had begun to waver. Even so, I was sure a little distance from me would set things right. He was only clinging like this because, for now, I was the only one at his side.

"I just thought Sion would feel cooped up if he stayed in the room all the time. I'm counting on you."

Rita answered, looking dazed.

"...This is the first time you've ever asked me for something, my lady. That must mean Lord Sion is precious to you, right?"

There she went, jumping to conclusions again. It wasn't a misunderstanding I particularly needed to correct, so I agreed without protest.

"Yes. Very precious. So please take good care of him. You know you're the only one I can trust, don't you?"

"Of course! Just leave it to me!"

Rita answered brightly. I had exaggerated a little on purpose, to puff up her sense of responsibility, and the effect was excellent. I gave her a warm smile and went back into the room—and froze on the spot.

"S-Sion. Good... morning?"

Sion was sitting up, looking at me. Those blue eyes brought last night rushing back. He couldn't have heard me talking with Rita... could he?

Beastmen had senses several times sharper than ordinary people's, which was why I had deliberately spoken outside the room. Even so, I had let my guard down, assuming he was asleep. I hadn't imagined he might be awake.

He didn't hear us, did he?

Uneasy for no good reason, I stole a glance at him. Sion seemed to be turning something over carefully, and then he asked,

"Master, what does precious mean, exactly?"

"Huh?"

The question came out of nowhere. I tried to work out what he meant by it, but all that did was make my head ache, so I simply recited the dictionary definition.

"It means important, and dear. Why?"

"Dear, and important... I see. So that's what precious means..."

Sion murmured to himself. His voice was so soft I couldn't quite catch the words. Unlike him, my senses weren't that sharp.

I pretended to smooth my tangled hair with my fingers and tossed the words his way as casually as I could.

"Oh, right. Sion. Let's stop sleeping in the same room. I mean—when someone else is there I can't really sleep, and if you keep sleeping on that narrow sofa, your body will get all stiff—"

"Okay. I understand."

"—and—huh? What did you say?"

"I understand. Let's do that. If it's what you want, then I like it too."

"Uh... thanks."

I had braced for fierce resistance, but Sion accepted it without a fight. The tension I had worked up felt almost ridiculous.

What? Why did I even worry?

Relief tugged a small laugh out of me. Then I felt eyes on me and turned. Sion was looking at me, and he broke into a bright smile. He looked unusually pleased. I tilted my head, then decided it hardly mattered. If it was good, it was good.

I sent Sion off to his room and got ready to go out. Horseback riding hadn't been an easy sport to come by in my original world, so I was a little excited. The excitement didn't last. Could I actually ride a horse properly?

Aine would have taken to it as a matter of course. I would not. I had never even seen a pony, let alone a horse.

"Well then, my lady, have a wonderful time!"

"Yeah. Take good care of Sion."

"Yes! Of course!"

When I reminded her once more, Rita nodded with a determined look. Would this really be all right? A flicker of worry remained, but once I had left it to her, fretting any further was pointless.

Before I climbed into the carriage, I looked up toward Sion's room. A curtained window met my eyes.

What was that, anyway?

From the way things stood, Sion didn't seem to remember what had happened last night. If he had, there would have been some reaction.

Something precious.

I remembered how he had suddenly asked what precious meant.

What do I have that's precious?

Well, there was the bell worth as much as a castle, the jewels that would sell for a fortune, and...

Those are just valuables.

It felt like a slightly different thing from precious. I could sell the bell and the jewels without hesitation if I needed to. Something precious was something you would give your life to protect, whether it was an object or a person.

"...There isn't any."

Not for me. Not for Aine, either.

I leaned back against the carriage seat. No matter how many rare things I owned, no matter how many people surrounded me, moments like this left me feeling as if I were alone in the world.

Was Aine the same?

Aine had been alone from the start. Her father was busy, and her mother had died of illness before Aine's memories could even form. She had no real hobbies to speak of, and no close acquaintances. She lived shut inside a world of her own until, one day, she woke to a strange new pastime.

Having entered Aine's body and followed the shape of her days, I was gradually coming to understand her circumstances. Even so—

What kind of hardship is this supposed to be?