You Almost Died
For a while, they simply walked without a word.
How long had they been walking? Alley gave way to alley, and before they knew it they had come upon a place empty of people. The moment he was sure no one was there, he let go of the wrist he had been holding.
"Hah."
Chesian dragged a hand up over his face, his expression knotted, and sighed. Then he did it again.
The zombie stole a glance at him as he exhaled, then slowly lifted her hand and closed it around his.
A small, fidgeting squeeze.
Cool skin met his palm. He had been leaning against the wall with his eyes shut; at the touch he opened them and stared at her.
"Shihi..."
A moment ago she had looked somehow wilted, but the instant she saw Chesian she managed a clumsy smile.
"Shihi, shihi."
He gave her nothing. He only looked down at her with a face worn thin by exhaustion. Reading his mood, the zombie let the corners of her mouth fall, then hauled them straight back up.
"Shi-shihi..."
She smiled wider than before. And when he still didn't react, she smiled brighter. Brighter still.
It wasn't funny at all. She forced the corners of her mouth up so hard that her cheeks soon trembled, on the verge of a spasm.
Then Chesian, who had been watching her in silence, finally spoke.
"You..."
She couldn't really understand the words, but the thought that he had at last come back to himself made her smile even more brightly.
"You're smiling?"
But the moment turned strange. Chesian set her hand down as if shaking it off, and his anger broke through.
The zombie stared at her own hand, suddenly stranded in empty air, and blinked slowly.
"A smile? At a time like this?"
Unable to understand human speech, she only tilted her head, then went back to that small bright smile, over and over.
"Ha."
Seeing it, he let out a hollow laugh, incredulous. At the sight of his sneer, the zombie froze. She had wanted Chesian to smile — just not like that.
When she looked at him, restless and unsure what to do, he covered his face with his palm as if to hide how tangled he was, and muttered.
"I'm losing my mind."
She couldn't know the language, but the sharp edge in Chesian's voice — a tone she was hearing almost for the first time — made her tremble. He didn't see it. He simply could not master the anger surging up in him now, hot as fire.
If we'd been caught...
Even the mere supposition of if chilled him to the bone. Chesian raked through his hair in a fit of nerves and ground a curse between his teeth.
Why was he this angry? The reason was simple enough.
"You almost died just now. You know that?"
Because this zombie had very nearly died.
If a zombie showed itself in a crowd that size, people would try to kill it. Ordinary folk would run the moment they saw those yellow eyes — but if humans, overwhelming in number, banded together, or if the guard were called out, smashing one zombie's skull would be no trouble at all.
"You're not like any zombie I've known."
That first meeting was still vivid: the foolish, un-zombie-like smile, the way she had kneaded at his arm. This one could manage even the simplest expressions of will. She liked what she liked, and disliked what she disliked. A truly special zombie.
But would people seeing a zombie for the first time ever know she was special?
The answer was no. They would try to kill her.
If only we could understand each other.
She was still staring at him, round-eyed and utterly lost, and the sight tightened his chest. So, without meaning to, he spilled out words she would never understand.
"You won't get any of this anyway. Don't trust humans."
"Don't trust me either. Don't trust anyone."
He kept speaking to her, meaning every word.
"If someone lays a hand on you the way they did earlier, shove them off and run. Stand there like an idiot and you'll die."
She said nothing.
"Keep your head down. Hide your eyes. If anyone touches you, you run — like this. Like this. Get it through your head."
"Shihi?"
The zombie tilted her head, plainly lost.
"Idiot. Stop smiling."
Frustration knotted tighter in his chest.
Do I have to learn to speak zombie?
What was he supposed to do? Not a single word passed between them. There was no way at all to make her understand what he wanted.
Furball, does it hurt?
He looked so grave. She didn't truly understand why, but she wanted to soothe him first, and slowly she reached out.
Chesian struck the hand aside as if punishing her. She flinched at the suddenness of it.
He had never refused her touch before. Her lips parted in surprise. So did his.
Ah...
Chesian looked more startled than the zombie. He swallowed the sound that had nearly escaped, then spoke as if nothing were wrong.
"You're not human right now. So stop acting like one. It's confusing. The people back on that street, and..."
And me.
He swallowed the rest and lowered his eyes.
I'm confused. Whether what I feel is for a zombie who seems too much like a person — or whether this is nothing more than interest in a subject of research.
He had gone briefly blank when he caught the murmur of voices outside. The merchants must have drawn near.
"Let's go."
He reached out and took her hand again, then stepped out of the alley as if nothing at all had happened.
Furball. Furball.
She could barely match his quick stride. Hurrying after him in a fluster, she fumbled for words.
Furball, look at me.
He said nothing.
Furball?
If anything, he turned his head sharply aside, as though ignoring her outright.
Did I do something wrong today?
She sank into the question. Furball had taught her so many new things today, and he had laughed so much.
He must be very angry. Why?
She couldn't tell the reason, but right now he seemed furious. On any other day he would have checked that she was following. Now he didn't spare her so much as a glance. He only walked, eyes on the road ahead, saying nothing.
Watching his back, she felt a strange sensation, as if something were poking her in the stomach.
What is this feeling?
Looking at Furball from behind made her insides ache. She didn't exactly want water, and yet she wanted to plunge her face into the lake. Then a thought came to her.
If I could talk with Furball, I would know why he's like this.
Without her noticing, strength gathered in her fingertips. Her eyes went round. She hastily loosened her grip, then stole a look at him.
It didn't hurt. Good.
Fortunately, he didn't seem to have noticed. He only kept walking. She had nearly hurt him.
As if Furball were glass that would shatter at a touch, she eased her hand open, carefully. Their joined hands swung loose in the air. She looked at the veins standing out on the back of Chesian's hand, then slowly lifted her gaze and began to study him.
Furball's hair is purple. His eyes are red. And his name...
Then she remembered what the humans had kept calling toward him, back when they were all gathered together.
His name is Cher!
Cher. She traced the name in her mind and sounded it out, small.
"Teh— teh, teh."
But no matter how she turned it over, that didn't seem to be the sound. She drew her brows together and pushed her lips out.
"Teh. Teh?"
She worked at the name alone, careful he wouldn't hear. It was never close.
Am I that different from Furball? So different I can't even follow his words?
Sorrow welled up before she knew it, and she hung her head, downcast.
There's a strange sound behind me.
Ahead of her, Chesian faltered mid-step. Something like a baby's babbling drifted up from behind him, but he pretended not to hear and walked on without a word.
"Cheap! Dirt cheap!"
"Today only — a hundred shillings! Limited sale!"
Without quite meaning to, they had walked back into the heart of a crowded market. Chesian slowed to a stop and looked up at the sky.
The sun was going down, but the heat of the market had not.
He blinked slowly, then turned.
She was clutching his hand as if letting go would bring disaster. The sight of it left him strangely unsettled.
This wasn't something to get that angry over.
He was confused. A zombie too much like a person — she confused him far too much. But that wasn't her fault, was it? Earlier he hadn't been able to gather the feelings tearing through him, and he had spat them out raw.
Perhaps puzzled that he had stopped so suddenly, she quit mumbling to herself and stared at him blankly.
"Hey."
When he called, she thought his anger must have passed. Good. She had been fretting until a moment ago, but the instant he called to her, her mood lifted all at once, and she smiled at him, bright and small.
It was a smile like sunlight. The corners of her mouth lifting as if drawn in a picture, her eyes folding into crescents.
"Shihi, shihi."
"What... why are you smiling."
Flustered, Chesian pushed at her face as if to hide it behind his hand, but beneath his palm she only went shii, shii and smiled harder. He stared at her, incredulous, and let out a hollow laugh.
She's happy even when I'm angry at her.
Is there really nothing going on in there?
He hesitated in front of her for a long moment, then squeezed his eyes shut and opened his mouth.
"Earlier, I..."
But just as he was about to speak—
"Aaaaah!"
People screamed without warning. Chesian startled, the words he'd meant to say gone, and jerked his head up.
Crash!
The sound was enormous. The zombie's eyes went round. She could feel her pupils dilating on their own.
"It's dangerous!"
They shouted as if the words themselves were screams. Chesian turned to make sense of it, and at the edge of his vision something was rushing in at tremendous speed. Worse — it was coming straight for them.
People yelled and waved at Chesian and the zombie standing in the middle of the road, urging them to get back.
"Oh God, what do we do!"
"Move! Get out of the way!"