Chapter 2
**CHAPTER TITLE: Pride is a Luxury**
Pride is a luxury.
Jiyu stood before the door of a classically colonial-style panel, taking a deep breath and holding it as if she were about to dive deep underwater.
She had only just let her face break the surface when she sank again. This time she deliberately relaxed her limbs, stopped thrashing, and gave up.
Hold on. Just think about surviving.
Jiyu repeated the words that had kept her afloat for the past two years.
Her mouth went dry, and she unconsciously licked her lips. The cheap lip gloss still carried a faint strawberry scent.
She had worn it the first time she kissed Hunter too.
That innocent, sweet scent lingered with a bitter aftertaste, sliding down her throat. The small, fragile thing she had been guarding in a corner of her chest with all her strength was now burned to ash.
Becoming an adult was a cruel thing.
“Kids like you, even if they’re shy, get better when they grow up. Even introverts get louder voices and lose their shyness with age,” her mother used to say whenever she offered comfort.
Her mother was wrong.
It wasn’t the lack of shyness. Becoming an adult did not suddenly turn anyone into an extrovert.
When the extreme situation arrived, to survive you shoved the emotion of shame somewhere deep inside yourself, shook inside while pretending on the outside that nothing bothered you.
One day the senses would numb and the self-loathing would dull. She had always wished for that day, but unfortunately she had not yet reached that realm.
Jiyu slowly raised her hand and gave a tiny knock. The wooden door, being so solid, made the sound elegant.
“Was I too light? It’s not yet bedtime.”
Anxious that someone might hear, she scanned the surroundings. It was already midnight. All the main lights were off, and the sconces on the walls were dimmed to the lowest setting, so the long hallway at the end was dark like a cave.
She raised her hand to knock again when familiar footsteps approached. The door opened softly.
A pair of deep blue eyes swept over her without a trace of surprise.
He had just finished showering. Hunter, in a sleeveless top and grid-pattern lounge pants, swept the wet hair that had fallen over his forehead back with one hand.
His slightly furrowed brows and the way he leaned against the doorframe with arms crossed cast a bright light behind him, throwing dark shadows across his face.
[Is Mother still up?]
His voice was blunt, yet Jiyu detected a hint of concern beneath it.
Please don’t be gentle. I have to use you again.
[I’m fine now. I got discharged this afternoon and headed back to Brooklyn.]
He stared at her hesitantly, then let out a short sigh and stepped aside.
[Come in.]
The room was divided between living room and bedroom by curtains instead of walls.
Because Hunter hated narrow spaces, the three rooms at the end of the corridor had been combined into one. Exposed pipes, original red bricks, and rough-finished furniture gave the space a trendy downtown loft feel.
[You said we should break up and never see each other again.]
His signature blunt speech struck like a sharp arrow.
Jiyu had sworn several times not to feel ashamed, but her cheeks still burned.
[Why are you here? Anything left to say?]
He walked to the bar in one corner of the living room, pulled a bottle of water from the mini-fridge, and twisted the cap with a sound that somehow felt cruel. Without taking his eyes off her, he downed the bottle in one breath.
Jiyu, whose mouth had been too dry to swallow more than a dry saliva, closed her eyes tightly and then opened them.
[I… I need money.]
Last summer, upon becoming an adult, Hunter had received a portion of the Hamilton family’s major assets through his trust fund. To ordinary people it was merely long numbers, an amount impossible to estimate realistically.
He broke the silence that had seemed eternal and asked,
[How much?]
[One hundred thousand dollars.]
Surprise, suspicion, and anger flashed across Hunter’s face as he stared at her.
Everyone said he was unreadable, but Jiyu had read his emotions more sensitively than anyone else since childhood, when she had grown up carefully watching his every move.
[What for?]
[It’s urgent.]
Jiyu clenched her fists because her hands were shaking too much. There was no turning back now.
[If you want to borrow money from me, tell me why.]
His low voice carried a new, oppressive weight.
[I’m not asking you to lend it. Just… give it.]
[What?]
Hunter let out a laugh, staring at her with an incredulous look for a long moment before opening his mouth.
[Why should I? Make me understand.]
[If I lend it, I’m not going to pay it back anyway. You know that.]
[So?]
She swallowed hard.
[I’m not saying I won’t pay. Instead of money, I’ll give you what you want.]
[You think you know what I want. Bold of you.]
He sneered.
[Why don’t you? You wanted to sleep with me, didn’t you? You say a kiss isn’t enough for victory anymore. During four years of college, whenever you want, I’ll be your jinx.]
The victory jinx Hunter had repeatedly begged her for during every tennis tournament he entered was her kiss.
His eyes flashed like blue flames. He stepped forward aggressively and looked down at her, towering over her. Jiyu barely managed to stop herself from stepping back.
His jaw twitched as if he clenched his teeth. His eyes were piercing, as if he wanted to squeeze the air from her neck.
[Do you know what you’re saying right now?]
She knew it better than anyone, but she could not meet his gaze straight on, so she lowered her head.
Hunter grabbed her chin and lifted it so their eyes met. Then, in brutally direct language, he confirmed the fact.
[Jiyu Parker. You just sold yourself to me for one hundred thousand dollars.]
Jiyu lowered her gaze.
[Think what you want. Right now, this is the only way I can repay the money. If you’re going to sell me to me…]
She clamped her tongue shut before the true sincerity slipped out.
She had only just decided to leave for California and start a new life, only to have her four years of college shackled to Hunter again.
[Only one hundred thousand dollars was the price? If it was something money could buy, you should have said so long ago. You didn’t even need to wait until you became an adult.]
Jiyu raised her head and glared at him. Yet she could not refute his words. In truth, she had sold herself to her longtime friend and the son of her employer for one hundred thousand dollars.
She quietly bit her lip.
Hunter walked to the desk, yanked open the drawer roughly, and pulled out a checkbook. He scribbled the numbers, signed with a flourish, and ripped the paper with a tear.
He slid the check between his index and middle fingers and walked over to her, looking down with cold blue eyes full of contempt and a lewd smile.
[If I had known it was because the money wasn’t ready that you were waiting like a fool, I wouldn’t have waited. Take it.]
Jiyu took the check from his fingers with trembling hands.
That was it.
Her ears burned and throbbed, and cold sweat ran down her spine.
Bitterness and relief clashed.
She was an adult now. She knew she had to bear the consequences of the choice she had made.
‘It’s really fortunate I don’t love Hunter.’
Even now it was this humiliating and painful, but if she had loved him, she would have opened the window and jumped. Even at this moment, the urge had not disappeared.
‘If I have to live this way, wouldn’t it be better to just end it easily…?’
She stared at the window, sinking into a suffocating abyss, when Hunter’s voice grabbed her hair and pulled her back to the surface.
[Take it off.]
Jiyu froze and studied Hunter’s expression.
She could read no emotion from his face, which looked indifferent and bored.
[N-now? Here? In here?]
Her voice trembled as if she were choking. His parents and younger sister were sleeping in the same building.
Hunter pointed at her hand.
[Money’s already been received. The condition was “whenever I want,” wasn’t it? Right?]
Only then did the reality sink in. Once she took the money, she would never be able to refuse anything Hunter demanded.
He noisily threw open the curtain. The California king-size bed in the center of the bedroom space one floor higher came into view. He dropped heavily onto the edge of the bed and gestured with his chin.
[What are you waiting for?]
Had Hunter ever given her that look before?
A look as if he were watching something insignificant made the bridge of her nose sting. Jiyu, head lowered, walked toward the bed and repeated in her mind,
‘Shame is also a luxury.’