The Unquenchable Hunger
He ignored the throbbing below his navel and rubbed his finger against his lips.
When Irene had grabbed him, maintaining his sanity had been difficult amid a wave of emotions he had never experienced before.
Yet now, no matter how he searched for those remnants, he could feel only the tiniest fragment of that emotion.
Michael had never felt the emptiness of longing until now.
He knew he craved something, but its exact nature eluded him.
His body burned with a restless fire, urging him to seize whatever it was at once.
Stunned by this entirely new sensation, he bit his finger again.
The knights he had trained with once had often stared at him every morning with incomprehension.
“It seems the gods have taken even the desires your body should rightfully hold.”
They would whisper among themselves how to soothe their own swollen pride.
Naturally, Michael paid them no mind.
After all, it had nothing to do with him.
He considered tales of knights seduced by women during missions, or how their bodies swelled each morning on their own, as shortcomings of those who failed to control their impure desires.
So why should he concern himself with such vulgar matters…
Michael stared at his own throbbing member with discomfort, as if it might burst forth at any moment.
There had been times when it swelled from mere impact, but never to this extreme.
Lust was the gravest sin a holy knight must guard against.
Yet he now carried it within himself to such a degree.
With no one to witness, he felt endless shame and wondered how to rid himself of this desire.
‘If I had only known, I would have listened.’
The crude words he had deliberately ignored now proved so desperately necessary.
Unable to calm his body, he first turned to the gods.
“……Behold, my holy power… grant me strength to guard the impure within me… and likewise… from them…”
He had lived a life where reciting scripture was easier than breathing.
Yet here he was, fumbling like this.
Even the most indolent priest in the world would read it more smoothly.
After reading scripture for a long time, his body showed no change. He had heard it would calm him…
At that moment, Irene’s image flashed through his mind—running toward him without hesitation, grabbing his hand.
If only his imagination had stopped there.
His thoughts instead conjured the two of them embracing each other and kissing, just as other pairs did.
“Hngh…”
A sharp, unbearable ache surged into his lower body.
Even for a man who felt no pain, he let out a groan.
He realized the gods had not withheld desire from him.
It had simply awakened too late compared to others.
And now, to resolve this predicament, he must heed the instincts that had always warned him against it.
After long hesitation, Michael squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his hand.
Despite it being a familiar organ, it felt absurdly massive in his grip.
“Ughh!”
The moment he touched it, the oncoming lightning made his body tremble.
His hesitant hand gripped the pillar beneath his clothes firmly.
Then he moved it slowly up and down, stroking himself.
“Hah… ugh…”
With every stroke, his vision flickered.
He knew this was the very act scripture had forbidden.
Yet his hand grew rougher, refusing to stop.
He had believed it would calm him, but instead the pillar grew harder and rose higher.
Still, without another solution, he kept moving his hand as the desire within him threatened to explode.
This would not do. He needed something to trigger that explosion.
Not knowing what it was, he bit down on his lip and closed his eyes.
The instant he did, Irene’s face appeared vividly in his mind.
His wife, the one who had run to him, the one the continent’s laws recognized without shame.
The moment that thought struck.
“Kuh!”
His hand tightened violently around the pillar, and his body shook violently.
His vision turned white.
For a moment, he felt as though he had visited a faraway place.
Later, Michael cautiously withdrew his hand.
It was not the age for mistakes, yet his trousers were soaked through.
Overwhelmed by self-loathing, he closed his eyes again.
Then Irene’s image returned, clearer than ever.
“Damn it.”
The coarse voice that escaped him was unlike anything he had ever said.
On the day he reached his lowest, he finally understood what heaven was.
* * *
After that day, Michael halted his dungeon expeditions and locked himself in the prayer room, offering prayers to the gods all day.
His body had remained pure for over twenty-five years without desire.
The single reason he could think of for this sudden change was one.
‘It must be the demonic energy.’
The knights who entered and left the dungeons.
They began with clear minds, but as demonic energy accumulated during endless raids, their eyes clouded.
When they emerged, they would openly display desire for their own pairs.
It was clear he was no exception.
‘For now, while resting and continuing to pray, it should improve.’
Naturally, the purification rate was far slower than that of a purifier, yet holy power could still cleanse some demonic energy.
Therefore, after a few days of rest with a clear mind, the lewd desire he had briefly harbored should surely subside.
No, it had to.
But after several days, Michael realized something was wrong.
“Ah… ugh…”
Normally he should be praying before sleep, yet here he was, soothing his still-unsettled body in the bathroom.
He had wanted to soothe the heat by standing under the cold water pouring down.
Yet the body that had spilled white fluid for days showed no sign of weakening, instead releasing thick desire even today.
The fluid that had coated his hands under the falling water had vanished without a trace, but his heart grew more and more confused.
He had thought time would make it better, but it only grew worse.
* * *
He could not remain locked in the prayer room indefinitely just because his mind was in turmoil.
He stood before the dungeon entrance once more for the upcoming raid.
Many pairs within the fortress greeted the man who had reappeared after a long absence with warm welcomes.
“It has been a long time, Sir Michael. Did your health not fare well during that time? We were truly worried.”
“Thank you for your concern.”
Normally he would have conversed at length, inquiring about the outcomes of other dungeon expeditions.
Yet today, his words with them felt less than warm.
Instead, his gaze kept sweeping the surroundings.
The dungeon chosen for today’s raid had been rated medium to high.
Knights prepared to enter it with their own purifiers, aware of its dangers.
‘Where is Irene?’
He scanned the purifiers, searching for his pair.
Normally knights entered dungeons with their purifiers.
But Michael had never entered one with her.
‘There was no need to go together.’
The dungeon held too many dangerous monsters.
He had no reason to drag his wife, who had never been seriously injured, into such peril.
That was why he had said they need not go together during the raid.
Yet Irene had always come to wait near the dungeon he was heading to, staring at him for a long while before leaving.
It had always been like that, but today she was nowhere to be seen.
‘She didn’t come…?’
Since he had always refused to go together, her absence now felt strange to him, and he himself felt an unfamiliar sense of loneliness.