A Performance of Self-Pity
Noah wanted to end this charade as quickly as possible. It was a scheme he had begun himself, yet he had no intention of dragging it out.
If only Adeline had simply given up, the whole affair would have been far simpler. Instead, it had become a thorough disappointment in every way.
“Miss Billet...”
Noah lowered his eyes with deliberate gloom. Once again today, Adeline had planted herself firmly at his side, forcing him to remain bedridden for days on end. The boredom was driving him to the brink of madness, yet this leech-like woman showed no sign of leaving.
Every time he received reports that she had buried her face in medical texts, all he could do was lock the door, draw the curtains, and stretch his stiff limbs.
I'm going stir-crazy.
To someone as active as Noah, the bedroom felt like a prison. A very spacious, very luxurious one.
“What is your wish, my lady?”
“My wish?”
Adeline was carefully arranging the fresh supply of opium in the drawer. Procuring such a large quantity was an accomplishment in itself. It seemed she had a genuine talent for illegal activities.
While Noah’s mind wandered, Adeline tapped her lips and fell into thought.
“My wish is for the young duke to make a full recovery.”
“And the reason?”
“Well...”
Adeline’s eyes darted about in mild distress. What other reason could there be? Noah didn’t need to ask; he already guessed why she clung to him so stubbornly.
Just as she had once reported his every move, she now seemed determined to torment him mercilessly. She probably derived a sense of superiority from watching him dance in the palm of her hand. Nothing had changed from the past to the present.
“Because you are my fiancé, young duke. I am rather in a hurry to marry.”
“I feel as though I have ruined a woman’s life.”
Noah seized the opening to say what he had intended. He had thrown soup, feigned vomiting, and practically begged her to marry another man, but none of it had any effect on her.
In that case, there was only one path left.
Albert, who had been suffering headaches over the escalating situation, appeared to have decided to help Noah bring this farce to an end and had offered the advice in earnest.
Self-pity.
It was an excellent strategy.
“I sometimes think I should never have been born.”
“...”
Noah cast his eyes down with heartrending sorrow. The air grew heavy.
“Instead of repaying my parents who raised and nurtured me, I will end my life without even continuing the family line. I still cannot believe it, my lady.”
Noah turned his head to gaze out the window. A gentle breeze slipped through the open frame. Profound regret settled over his profile.
“When summer ends and spring returns once more, will I even be alive to see it?”
“Young duke...”
“I doubt I will see the cherry blossoms. No. At this rate, I may not even live to feel the first snow.”
Noah’s quiet lament pierced Adeline’s heart.
Regret flooded in. For the past few years, her grandmother’s illness had worsened, preventing her from visiting Noah at all.
If only I had known, I would have come to see him at least once.
Each time the seasons changed, Adeline had been confined to a small estate in the countryside. The cherry blossoms blooming and fading, the cicadas singing then falling silent, the mountains blazing with autumn leaves, the first snowfall; in every one of those moments, she had gazed out the window and thought of Noah.
She regretted the days when she had vaguely assumed he was doing well.
“Next spring, let’s see the cherry blossoms together.”
Adeline grasped Noah’s hand. His gaze, which had been fixed outside, slowly turned toward her. Their eyes met after a slight delay. Adeline squeezed his hand firmly, as if to say everything would be all right.
“We still have plenty of time.”
She forced a smile. She hoped Noah wouldn’t notice the faint trembling at the corners of her lips.
“It’s still summer. You’re alive, Noah, and you’re here with me.”
“...”
“Let’s spend the summer, the autumn, and the winter together.”
Even if they were granted only a single year, it would be enough. Even if they couldn’t fill every season, it wouldn’t matter.
Noah was breathing, alive, and they still had time left.
Adeline wanted to make him happy. Even if it was only for a brief moment, she desperately hoped he would enjoy the present while he was still here.
Her breath came short. The ceaseless cry of cicadas made her head spin. It felt as though the carriage climbing the hill was moving slower than usual. When Adeline finally stepped down from the hired coach, she cradled a watermelon in her arms. She politely declined the driver’s offer to carry it inside the mansion for her.
“It’s all right. You may go now.”
The moment she passed through the gate, servants came running.
“My lady! How could you carry something so heavy in your condition?”
“You should have left such tasks to us servants!”
They snatched the watermelon away in alarm. Adeline tried to reassure them but soon realized she could not win the argument and followed silently behind.
“Why a watermelon, my lady?”
“Well, it is summer, after all.”
Watermelons were a luxury fruit that only nobles could afford. The servants had only heard that its juicy flesh brought cool relief with every bite; they were mildly curious but not particularly interested. It was easier to live without lingering attachment to things that were never yours to begin with.
“I thought it would be nice if we all ate it together. The young duke as well.”
The servants’ faces brightened at once. Adeline offered a small smile.
“But if we take it to the kitchen it will make a mess. I’ve tried it a few times before, and it seems you have to split it with an axe.”
Adeline recalled how her grandmother had once cut watermelons with an axe for her when she was small. Come to think of it, this was the first time she had eaten watermelon since her grandmother’s passing.
“Huu...”
The servants went to fetch an axe. Adeline sat on a wooden chair and finally caught her breath.
The breeze only seemed to stir the heat. The silk fabric clung to her skin, warmed by the sun. Lifting the neckline of her dress and fanning it gently was the best she could do to cool down.
“I wonder if the young duke likes watermelon.”
The season of summer inevitably brought watermelons to mind. Only afterward did she worry that Noah might dislike them or be unable to eat them.
The servant who had brought the axe and was about to split the watermelon suddenly found his lips trembling, his eyes growing moist.
“Y-yes, my lady. The young duke enjoys watermelon very much. He will be delighted.”
Even as hired help, they had lived together in the Miller mansion for years. The news of the young duke’s illness had been a considerable shock to him as well. To the long-serving servants who had watched over their master, Adeline’s refusal to abandon him was simply a source of gratitude.
“I hope Noah likes it.”
She wanted to experience with him how a summer could be both sweltering and refreshing. The past days when she had lacked the courage to approach him weighed heavily on her with regret.
Still, if it could bring him even the slightest comfort.
Whether it seemed ridiculous or bothersome, if it could free him from that terrible illness even for a moment, Adeline would be satisfied.
She smiled bitterly. Despite her efforts to hide it, her heart kept crumbling. She exhaled, trying to calm her emotions. Even though little time remained, she would not think about that for now. She would simply do her best each day without regret.
“Ha...”
And from far away, someone was watching Adeline. Quite a distance from the group, the silhouette of a man standing motionless in a third-floor room was reflected in the window.
Noah glared at Adeline through the window. She was dressed more lightly than usual as she huddled with the servants in the garden. The day must have grown even hotter.
She came fully prepared.
From the moment she had packed dresses, she had clearly intended to use his illness as an excuse to settle in.
Noah did not see Adeline in a favorable light. Not only did she interfere in his daily life at every turn, she was an extraordinary woman who had reduced his plan to break their engagement to nothing but foam.
“What could possibly make her so happy?”
Just then Adeline laughed. The smile that reminded him of a cool lake irritated him.
An eyesore.
There could be no more perfect word to describe Adeline Billet. Whether she laughed, remained expressionless, or cried, everything about her grated on his nerves.
When the servant brought the axe down on the watermelon, it split cleanly in two. The refreshing crack seemed to echo all the way to where he stood. The servants’ faces lit up with joy.
Watermelon.
Now that he thought about it, it had been quite a long time since he last ate any. Until a few years ago, the chef had asked permission to bring watermelons in during summer, but Noah had refused. He held an unfavorable impression of them. The sticky residue they left on the hands felt incredibly messy.
Simply put, Noah did not like watermelon.
At Adeline’s gesture, the servants hesitated before beginning to eat.
Really?
Look at that cunning little act.