The Butterfly That Swallowed the Fog
Tilia let out a soft groan, her voice barely above a whisper.
Her legs trembled violently as she finally managed to shower and stepped out of the bathroom. She collapsed face-first onto the bed without a second thought.
The tension draining from her body finally made itself known, and she began to whimper in pain. Not a single spot on her body remained untouched. From the inner thighs she had never even become aware of to the parts now visible on the surface, every inch of her felt utterly abnormal.
Why was her belly hurting so badly?
Tilia rubbed her stomach, where the muscles felt like they had knotted tightly. She sighed, as if it didn’t matter, and buried her face in the pillow.
No matter how she thought about it, she kept coming back to the decision she’d made—sending Judy. It had been the right choice, she told herself. For just a moment, an impulse had surged through her to spill everything to Judy, the worry in those anxious eyes. But…
She would have been terrified. Judy couldn’t have handled it.
The gentle noble daughter who had lived only inside greenhouses would never have been able to bear what Tilia had endured. She would have wept and raged, then looked at Tilia with those soft, innocent eyes and said, “Just come to me. Just get me an antidote!”
Tilia imagined Judy’s tear-streaked face and the frustration she would have shown, then let out a quiet, hollow laugh. Her lips curved upward, but her eyes stayed empty. She had always known she was a sharp, bitter woman, yet this—this was beyond anything she could have imagined.
Tilia felt herself sinking lower and lower. She turned over and lay back down.
Enough. I’m not the kind of woman who clings to firsts.
Even so, no matter how much she tried to dismiss it, the crushing sensation at the edge of her chest refused to fade.
Tilia covered her eyes with her arm and breathed slowly. When the room fell silent, her mother’s voice drifted into her ears like an old habit.
“Read as many books as you want, Tilia. Why shouldn’t a girl study? Live as you wish. Bloom the light in your talent to its fullest.”
That gentle tone, only to shift in an instant into cold, mocking laughter.
“No. What books? What study? Throw it all away and buy a dress! Women should chase rich men—they’re the best!”
The cruel laughter echoed in her mind.
Her mother’s face, dizzy and always reeking of alcohol, had long been forgotten, but her voice still tormented her. The contradictory advice of that mother—whether to become a clever woman or to devour a wealthy man—had always been at odds. Tilia had chosen the former and completely rejected the latter.
She was a miserable reflection of her mother, after all. She had no desire to walk the path her mother had chosen.
Then how had it ended up this way? She had guarded herself so carefully.
Tilia lowered her arm and exhaled a heavy sigh from deep in her chest.
Only now did the full weight of the situation settle over her. The fact that she had ended up in bed with Elex Davenport weighed far too heavily on her mind. What if someone had seen her entering his room? What if Elex spread rumors about her just for fun?
Worry coiled around her like a vine.
What if… what if she was pregnant?
A sickening lurch hit her chest. Tilia pressed her trembling hand against her knotted stomach and shook her head.
No. She had taken the medicine Elex had brought. She had heard every day that people came and went in his room, yet no one had ever been said to have been impregnated by him in the four years since. The contraceptive he had given her must have been highly effective.
Yes, it had to be wrong.
Tilia calmed her racing heart and closed her eyes.
Once the danger of pregnancy was acknowledged, every other worry seemed trivial.
Rumors and whispers would be fleeting. She would graduate soon anyway. Once she left the capital, she would begin a new life. It did not matter.
Tilia pulled the blanket over her head and whispered to herself.
It doesn’t matter. This is not real life.
Soon the false life would end, and the real one she had planned would begin.
At this moment, what Tilia needed was not planning—it was rest.
She mixed a deep breath with self-soothing words on the next and slowly slipped into sleep.
But even in the tormented dreams that fled from him, Elex Davenport tormented her.
The events of today, pushed deep into her subconscious, unfolded as a nightmare.
Tilia lay crushed beneath him like a flower petal shattered on the floor, accepting everything.
Even with the heightened senses of holy water, this felt wrong. It was too much. She could barely breathe. He kept forcing his way into places that should never have been invaded, and her body shook uncontrollably.
“Why are you crying?”
Elex asked her gently, though she could not speak and only wept.
“Is it too deep…? Or…”
His voice, which had been feigning care, suddenly carried something eerie.
“You cry so well, don’t you?”
Deep violation flooded over her with his words.
She made sounds she could not form, writhing, but he held her tightly, not letting her even escape.
She had wanted to say something while sobbing, but her ears were muffled and she barely registered her own voice. It was probably more of a plea than anything else. When she whimpered, he shifted slightly, and breathing became a fraction easier.
“Don’t cry.”
His cheek brushed hers as wet as her own, as if he had always been cold.
“I don’t know what to do if you cry.”
Damn him. He said it so calmly and still managed everything.
At that moment, she remembered the long line he had drawn on her back—what had she been thinking?
Ah, right. She had wondered why he had so much popularity. Even though he was so cold and had asked if she knew him, the moment they joined bodies, it had felt like an ardent lover.
Kissing the wounded hand was polite and tender. The way he finally linked their fingers and met her eyes was delicate.
As if her long-held wish had been granted, those eyes sparkled with shy delight.
Tilia thrashed on the sheets like a fish pierced by the cage his gaze had made.
“You didn’t know.”
And then Elex Davenport’s incomprehensible words began.
“You didn’t know I would do something like this with you.”
Even as his words, filled with malice, hardened his expression, he refused to release her linked hands.
“I knew from the beginning.”
Elex’s deep voice drifted into her ear, still wet.
“You and I… someday this would happen.”
Huff.
Tilia woke to the evening light that had already crept in. Breathing heavily, she scanned the room with wide, sweat-damp eyes.
Luckily, Elex Davenport was nowhere to be seen.
She was in her own room. Not Elex’s ornate dormitory, but the modest two-person room she shared with Judy.
A dream this vivid…
Tilia wrinkled her nose and scrubbed her ears hard. The feeling of his teeth grazing her ear still lingered painfully.
You bastard. Even in dreams, you treat people like shit.
Tilia sighed a mixture of relief and irritation and covered her face with both hands.
But even with her eyes closed, his voice lingered around her like tinnitus.
“I knew this would happen from the start.”
That sounds like nonsense.
Tilia rubbed the corners of her eyes that were beginning to ache, then suddenly remembered something and blinked in surprise.
In the past, she had overheard lowborn men arguing over who would first “deflower” her—the kind of pathetic game they played.
Could it be… Elex Davenport was in that bet too?
Logical reasoning made her nod.
She did not recall him being part of the group that had boasted, but it was possible. He was just one of those low-quality men, after all.
Even if there are men who are genuinely decent, I doubt it.
Tilia gave a cynical curl of her lips and recalled another thing Elex had said to her today.
“I’ve wanted you for a long time.”
That’s what he meant.
Tilia pushed herself up on her stiff body, sat on the edge of the bed, and gave a careless verdict.
His claim that he had known this would happen was nothing but the smug, tiresome words of a man triumphant in victory.
There was no need to overthink what it meant—arrogant and pathetic.
But… is the possibility of rumors high?
Tilia sighed as she remembered how men loved to wear their conquests like badges on their shoulders.
Outside, a commotion erupted. The door slammed open moments later.
“Tilia!”
Judy, her roommate, came running toward her while clutching a large box.