This Time, I Won't Let Go

Jang Eun-ju was startled every time she saw Je-yoon. She had always thought of him as a pretty child. Yet the older he grew, the more he possessed something that bewitched people. Those deep-set eyes made one yearn to look closer, unable to guess what thoughts lay behind them, and though no fortune had been poured over him, he carried an unmistakable air of refinement.

He stole not only everyone else's gaze but even her own—so how could Yeon-ha have been any different?

At the time, Jang Eun-ju was scouting for a suitable son-in-law for Yeon-ha's arranged marriage.

That day, too, she returned home after a tea gathering with other chaebol wives who shared the same worries. The consensus had settled on America being the better choice, and she intended to call Yeon-ha in to discuss it.

Thinking she might as well walk off the meal, she decided to take a full turn around the backyard before going inside. It was a backyard she rarely visited.

Through the trees she caught sight of Yeon-ha's back. Jang Eun-ju started to call her daughter, then froze stiff on the spot.

"Je-yoon, look at this. Isn't it pretty?"

Not long ago she had heard that Yeon-ha had gone to meet an accessories designer and had an anklet made. From what she could tell, the thing in Yeon-ha's hand was unmistakably that anklet. She had gone to pick it up today, after all.

"Can you put this on for me?"

"Me?"

"Yeah. I hurt my finger. Earlier, when I was helping you cook."

"Alright, give it here."

Yeon-ha rose from the bench and undid the ankle strap of her Mary Jane shoes. Jang Eun-ju held her breath and clenched the top handle of her handbag.

Tap, tap. Je-yoon patted his thigh with his palm, and Yeon-ha set her foot upon it. It felt as though she had just witnessed something she was never meant to see.

When they were children, whether they tumbled about covered in sand or Yeon-ha napped with her head resting on Je-yoon's stomach, she had simply left them alone—had that been the mistake?

Je-yoon took hold of the slender ankle and calf that had climbed onto his leg and fastened the anklet.

Her daughter's face was rosier than the sunset just before dusk settled. Yet Je-yoon himself withdrew his hands from Yeon-ha's leg with an indifferent expression.

She almost wished Je-yoon liked Yeon-ha. Then she could have cut it off more cleanly.

Jang Eun-ju made her decision. A relationship that would never be permitted anyway. She would have to sever the thread between the two of them.

From that day on, Jang Eun-ju removed Go Eun-jung from Yeon-ha's chauffeur duties. Instead she sent him to the main house of her in-laws. His treatment improved, and Je-yoon's residence changed along with him. She even generously provided a spacious forty-pyeong apartment suitable for a father and son.

Of course Go Eun-jung had refused it, but perhaps because he understood the gravity of the matter, everything proceeded smoothly.

As expected of children, out of sight truly meant out of mind. Jang Eun-ju felt quietly proud of her own scheme.

From Go Eun-jung's position—knowing all of this—it left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Go Eun-jung knew everything about his son and Yeon-ha, all their circumstances. On top of that, he knew the parts of Yeon-ha's story that Je-yoon did not, and the parts of Je-yoon's that Yeon-ha did not.

"You like her that much?"

"You already know."

The answer came in less than a second. What is Noona doing, the call isn't going through, maybe I should just go to the house. He even muttered to himself as if his own father weren't standing right there.

Go Eun-jung remembered with perfect clarity how much of a wreck Je-yoon had been when he heard Yeon-ha had gotten married. Once there had even been a call from the military saying it seemed the father needed to come.

So of course he was chasing after Yeon-ha so childishly now that she was single again. Go Eun-jung's mouth went dry. Just as he was about to call his son's name, a smile crept across the young man's face as he looked at his phone screen.

"Yeah, Noona. Yeah, you drove? Dad? Yeah, he's sleeping. Since he's out, calls won't work. Where are you now? The studio? Then I'll come over there."

The moment he hung up, Je-yoon checked his appearance and began preparing to leave.

Sensing a gaze, he turned his head and met his father's eyes. Seeing the worry in them, Je-yoon casually pulled out a fresh mask.

This time he would never let Song Yeon-ha go.

He would somehow splice back together the line that Madam Jang Eun-ju and his father had cut.

Je-yoon's eyes said exactly that. Go Eun-jung could only think, who could possibly stop his son? The stubbornness had come straight from his mother.

In the taxi, Je-yoon put in his earphones and closed his eyes. On the phone in his hand, a single video looped endlessly.

Je-yoon opened his eyes at that part and worked the phone. He played the screen recording, stopped at the relevant section, then went into his album and trimmed the front and back so that only the desired moment remained.

Countless videos he had clipped and saved that way filled Je-yoon's phone.

His indifferent eyes drifted toward the window. The taxi slipped between the high forest of buildings. Dusk was falling.

"You're here?"

Yeon-ha greeted Je-yoon while pushing up the glasses that had slipped a little from concentration. In his hand hung a shopping bag from the popular restaurant she had casually mentioned wanting to try last time.

Hungry just then, Yeon-ha lifted the corners of her mouth and came toward him.

"The landlord's here."

The building that housed Yeon-ha's studio belonged to Je-yoon. While she had been busy with the divorce proceedings, he had offered her the vacant space free of charge, saying one happened to be available.

"What am I going to do? Not only am I skipping rent for the landlord, I'm freeloading meals too?"

When Yeon-ha reached for the shopping bag, Je-yoon lifted his arm high over his head and brushed past her to the table.

"Hmm, then shall I collect the rent? I'll take something other than money."

"I never said I felt guilty."

Yeon-ha lightly parried his joke and followed to take the food out of the bag, but Je-yoon snatched it away and shook his head.

"How precious are the ideas that come from these hands? Don't hurt them."

"It's just packaging."

"It's hot. I'll bring the dishes and set everything up, so just wait."

Yeon-ha gave a rough nod and opened the shopping bag wide. Inside the clear container was the galbi risotto she had so badly wanted yet given up on because the wait had been endless. Originally it came in a stone pot—a shame, but better this than nothing. Saliva gathered for the first time in a long while.

Ah, I want to eat it right now.

Yet Je-yoon, who had gone to the kitchen, showed no sign of returning. He stood on one leg, staring at the induction cooktop.

"Go Je-yoon! I'll just take it out myself!"

"No!"

Je-yoon rushed over with a black object in his hand. Then he set a flat pot—identical to the stone pot sold at the restaurant—down on the table.

"It's hot. Careful."

He transferred the food and plated the risotto exactly the way they did at the restaurant. Then he portioned the aglio e olio and pizza into other dishes. Yeon-ha noticed that those dishes, too, matched the ones she had seen in the restaurant's promotional photos.

Seated on the standing chair, her legs swung happily.

Yeon-ha rested her face on her clasped hands atop the table and watched Je-yoon serve food onto her plate.

"You're quite attentive."

"Charming, right?"

"Huh? Yeah."

Yeon-ha nodded and smiled.

"You'd treat a girl you like just as well, wouldn't you?"

At Je-yoon's words, Yeon-ha—who had just picked up a slice of pizza—flinched for a moment. A girl he likes... of course he would have one. He might. How old was he? She herself had been married and divorced—why wouldn't Je-yoon have a girlfriend?

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Planning to get one soon?"

"Ah..."

Just what kind of woman would she be? How old? A fellow celebrity? How had they met? What about her had made him fall? He might start dating soon—was it all right for him to stay at her place? Wouldn't it be awkward if his girlfriend found out?

In that brief span, Yeon-ha's mind filled with the person who would soon become Je-yoon's girlfriend.

I'm not even Je-yoon's mother, so why am I going this far...

Her affection for him might look roughly the same, yet she had long known it was a different kind of feeling. If it had been something close to maternal love, the word "girlfriend" would not have stolen her appetite.

In the end she got indigestion. Forcing down risotto that felt like gravel was the cause.

Even though busy Je-yoon had waited in line to buy it. And he was serving her this and that while looking only at her face—how could she refuse while watching that?

"If you can't eat, you should say so. You've only been taking a few bites of sandwiches every day, and suddenly eating a lot must be why."

Je-yoon immediately bought a sewing kit from the convenience store next door and sterilized a needle with a lighter.

"Do you smoke? Why do you have a lighter?"

"This? Why? Do you hate guys who smoke?"

"Well... it's a preference. If you smoke, you smoke."

"I'm curious about Noona's opinion though."

Yeon-ha stared at Je-yoon carefully selecting the thread. Why go that far over the color of a thread? Just as she was about to snatch it and do it herself, he pulled out red thread and wound it firmly around the joint of her thumb.

"What does my opinion matter?"

"It matters. I don't smoke."

Of course, after hearing the marriage news he had nearly started in the military. But knowing Yeon-ha disliked cigarette smoke, he had endured the maddening temptation.

"I bought the lighter when I bought the needle. Sss—relax your hand."

Je-yoon gripped and released her finger, gently shaking it. For some reason the sense of indigestion only worsened, and strength entered Yeon-ha's hand. She wanted to escape the large hand that completely enveloped her own.

"Do you drink? Come to think of it, I have no memory of drinking with you."

Yeon-ha deliberately kept the conversation going.

"Want to drink?"

Je-yoon, who had been holding her thin fingers and feeling them this way and that, lifted only his eyes and gazed at Yeon-ha.