Chapter 17
Because my father brought up that incident, rage surged all the way to the top of my head. So furious I was, heat seemed about to burst from my skull.
“I’ve been lied to!”
The choked words burst from my lips. How spiteful. How full of resentment. My chest tightened so much I clawed at my left breast without meaning to, leaving red welts.
He should never have blackmailed Grandma even once. Never should have shown his face to me. I was the fool who trusted him, and even my tears wouldn’t come.
“Daddy lied to me. No, he blamed me for everything!”
The words had barely left my mouth when my head whipped to the right, then left.
“That fucking bitch! You owe me everything I gave you! Did you really think you could live for free and easy? Eat the good food, take warm baths, sleep in comfort, and then expect me to give you something in return?!”
I had never been happy. I hadn’t needed this big house, this delicious food. Living in a crumbling place had been far happier. Eating the same dishes Grandma cooked every day had been delicious, joyful.
This place had been nothing more than a target. To me, it had been a place I needed to escape.
“…I have nothing more to say. I’m leaving.”
Was it the stress? My lower belly began to ache gently. Sweat beaded on my forehead.
I knew if I stayed here anything could happen, so I staggered to my feet. The doctor had said stress was forbidden, yet facing the very stress I couldn’t handle made my gut twist like a knife.
It felt as if even a child was telling me to leave this place right now.
I planted both feet on the floor. My body still throbbed where Dad had hit me, but it was only once or twice in my life I had been exposed to violence, so I could endure. What worried me was the place where a tender bud had taken root—my stomach—aching so softly.
“Even though you ate, you have to eat again!”
Since he hadn’t brought Yeon-a with him, I wasn’t needed. That was why he had demanded I leave, but the moment I turned to go, the new mother stepped in front of me.
“You have to eat first.”
I stared at her quietly. Her face was as unreadable as always.
How strange.
She hated and despised me so much she wanted to kill me, yet why did she obsess over feeding me every single time? Looking back, it had always been that way.
Every two weeks she dragged me to the family home to eat. When I refused, she would throw the spoon, smash the bowl—those strange things.
Until now I had endured the noise and eaten. But now a deep instinctive rejection surged up.
That was the day I first felt something was wrong.
“What is so pretty about you that you deserve to eat? Get lost from my sight right now!”
The thought of her feeding me had made my stomach churn with disgust, but luckily Dad had rushed over and told her to shut up.
“I… will eat.”
The new mother’s eyes sharpened at my answer. They looked as if they could pierce through my whole body and draw blood, so I fled the house like a thief. Dad’s voice echoed from the front door.
“And take Yeon-a with you!”
I pretended not to hear and hurried out. I leaned against the wall, panting.
Haa… haa…
The clear, blinding sky from moments ago had become gloomy and trembling.
“…”
Only after the tears fell did I realize they were because of me.
I didn’t have a driver’s license, so I didn’t own a car. Before marriage I had stayed locked inside the house. After marriage he had hired a driver, so I never needed one.
Now that I was pregnant, I probably should get a license.
I used to lack confidence and never wanted to try anything, but thanks to that little baby my courage was blooming.
I called a taxi, and soon one arrived in front of the Jin residence.
“Hannam-dong, please.”
I closed the door and pulled out my phone to search online.
It said that even with a hearing aid, if you hear over 40dB you can get a driver’s license. Forty dB meant ordinary conversation or background noise.
These days even with the hearing aid I sometimes couldn’t hear, so I was worried. I had made a reservation for another hospital visit, but I still had to wait until the date.
Haa…
I raised my hand and gently rubbed my lower belly. The ache from earlier was gone now.
Thinking it was fortunate, I tried to put my phone away, but it vibrated once.
A short vibration meant a message, so I opened the screen.
“Ah…”
His birthday was almost here. I had forgotten. I swept my messy hair behind my ears.
A gift… should I give one? I had seen what kind of presents he received on his birthday after our marriage, so I didn’t feel like buying anything.
He probably didn’t need anything.
“I only have you, so what gift? Everything else is unnecessary, the gift is you.”
For my sake he had pressed his lips to every corner of his face as if nothing else could enter his eyes.
The memory made tears well up. My breath stopped.
Even though I wanted to open the window, I hated the cold and fidgeted with my scarf, when I felt a gaze on me. I turned my head and saw the taxi driver peeking at me in the rearview mirror.
“Why…?”
I asked calmly. The uncle looked startled and gave an awkward smile.
“Are… you sure you don’t need to go to the hospital?”
“Hospital?”
Startled by the random question, my eyes widened.
“Your face… is swollen. Who hit you?”
“Ah…”
In my panic I had forgotten my face was swollen. All my attention had been on the baby, so I had brushed my hair down as much as possible while feeling my cheek.
My face was covered, but the uncle’s worried gaze didn’t disappear.
“I fell and hurt myself. It’s not a big injury, so I can put ointment at home. Thank you for worrying.”
Now a suspicious look appeared in his eyes. I forced the corners of my mouth up and tried to look okay, but… I wasn’t sure the uncle would stop suspecting.
“It’s good that it’s okay, but… you have to put ointment on it.”
“Yes, I will.”
I answered in a flat tone, but somehow my voice trembled when a stranger cared for me.
“We have arrived.”
“Thank you.”
I paid and got out. I opened the door of the Jin residence and stepped inside. On the stone stairs I paused. When I looked back, the neighbor auntie was coming down.
“…Hello.”
I deliberately looked at the ground. The taxi uncle had seen my swollen face, so I had to hide it.
The auntie walked past me without a word. Maybe to the people of this house I was worse than a transparent person.
Smiling bitterly, I rushed into the annex.
When I reached the space where I could be alone, my legs gave out. I collapsed onto the sofa.
I blinked, and the familiar ceiling came into view. I immediately realized it was because of the tears and covered my eyes with my arm.
I pretended not to notice the tears flowing from my eyes, but my stomach suddenly twisted and I ran to the bathroom.
“Ugh… ugh! Uwah!”
I grabbed the toilet bowl and vomited everything out. Since there was nothing in my stomach, only bile came up, yet it kept coming.
Sitting on the floor, I couldn’t do anything. My strength was gone, my whole body throbbing, so I just wanted to sleep like this.
But if he saw me lying in the secretary’s office, he might suspect. He might make me take a medical check.
That couldn’t happen.
Pushing through the pain, I staggered to my feet and stood in front of the sink.
The taxi uncle’s worry wasn’t casual. My cheeks were swollen and my lips cracked.
What was Dad thinking, unable to hold back his impulse and hitting my face? If he was going to hit me, why not somewhere else?
I sighed and left the bathroom. I had to hide the injured part with makeup at least.