Borrowed Soap
My tutoring sessions with Do Ha-jin ran every Tuesday and Friday from four to six in the afternoon. Whether someone had told him ahead of time or not, when I stepped out through the front entrance I found the man standing in front of the stone statue in the yard. He wasn’t alone. Hui-yeon unnie, smiling and saying something beside him, spotted me and waved me over.
“All ready?”
The man who had been standing with his hands shoved into his pants pockets turned to look at me as well. Noticing the change in him was easy enough—I had already watched him from the window that morning.
The same person who had been soaked in sweat while working now looked freshly scrubbed from head to toe, and his clothes had changed too. I walked toward him, eyes tracing the plain black T-shirt and jeans without a single pattern on them.
“From now on you can use it without feeling awkward about it.”
At unnie’s words the man only shrugged. Then he jerked his chin at me as if to say let’s go. He took the lead; Hui-yeon unnie fell into step right beside him. It looked like she was seeing us off. I followed a couple of paces behind, fishing my phone out of my pocket.
3:43 p.m.
Gardening work finished at three. The man had clearly used the forty-odd free minutes to wash up, and unnie had told him not to feel burdened. The bathroom attached to the annex wasn’t equipped for proper showers; the bath facilities belonged only to the caretaker’s quarters. So it was easy enough to figure out that he had washed in unnie’s room.
Whether he had pulled it out in advance or not, the car was already waiting right outside the front gate. I climbed into the back seat through the door Hui-yeon unnie opened for him; the man circled around and slid into the driver’s seat. Thud. Thud. The moment the rear and front doors shut, a soft tsk of a tongue clicking sounded.
“Makes me want to puke.”
He muttered it under his breath while sniffing his own arm; our eyes met in the rearview mirror. The upward slant of his eyes looked sharper than usual.
“What soap do you use?”
The question came out of nowhere. I glanced for a second at Hui-yeon unnie still waving from the side, then pulled the seat belt across my chest.
“Just start driving.”
“Yes, yes. Going.”
Even as the car slid forward, Hui-yeon unnie kept peering into the window. Her gaze was fixed on the driver’s seat, not on me, and even though the tint was dark enough that she couldn’t possibly see inside, it stayed stubbornly fixed. The man paid her no mind; he just tipped his head toward the arm gripping the wheel and sniffed again.
“Tell that unnie what soap you use too.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I had to wash somehow so I used hers, but Jeong Hui-yeon’s is way too strong.”
My guess seemed right, but I asked just to confirm.
“You washed in unnie’s room?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you dating her, by any chance?”
He let out a short snort of laughter and turned the wheel.
“Romantic question, but I don’t do anything that exhausting.”
“……”
“Figured if I got in the expensive car covered in sweat I’d just dirty it, so I borrowed a favor.”
“Right, whatever.”
“Ah, but someone already did that, didn’t they.”
“……”
“And that one probably wasn’t just sweat either.”
There was no way I could miss what he meant. Without thinking I looked at the empty passenger seat right in front of me. So something like that had happened here. Even though I had seen it with my own eyes it still felt hard to believe—and that was exactly why a strange flicker of interest stirred.
If the woman hadn’t been visible, he must have reclined the seat, right? Did they only use the passenger seat? The back is wider, so maybe they used this space too.
The driver’s seat has the steering wheel, so… My eyes followed the trail of the thought and met his. He had glanced back during a red light.
“What?”
“……”
He seemed to consider something for a moment, then shrugged and faced forward again.
“Anyway, just pass along the soap. That’s basic employee welfare, isn’t it?”
“I use the same one as unnie. All the bath products at our house are identical.”
“No way.”
He turned the wheel, voice flat.
“Jeong Hui-yeon doesn’t smell soft and clean like you.”
“How would you know my smel—”
I let the sentence trail off. Thinking about it, if I could register his body scent, the reverse had to be true as well.
Without meaning to, I drew a shallow breath. Inside the tightly sealed car with the air conditioner humming, a faint floral fragrance was drifting.
Because he had just washed, today’s scent wasn’t the usual wild one, yet it didn’t feel purely artificial either. Scent always mixed with a person’s natural body odor and became something new.
Just as he had sensed something different between unnie and me even though we used the same products, he was different too. In the end, the smell he found so distasteful was his own.
“Doesn’t seem bad enough to hate that much…”
“What doesn’t?”
“Never mind. Let’s just go quietly.”
“We’re already here, what are you talking about.”
True to his word, a familiar apartment complex appeared outside. It was the most expensive complex in Muze-si. Do Ha-jin’s unit was in Building 10, the largest floor plan among them, and the man parked the car precisely in front of it.
“I’ll be here at six, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Alright. Go on.”
“……”
“What?”
He looked back at me sitting still, face puzzled, then his expression shifted into something that said you’ve got to be kidding.
“Want me to open the door for you?”
It wasn’t exactly that—more that Kim the driver had always opened it for me without being asked, so I had simply waited out of habit. Seeing that this man had no intention of doing the same, I opened it myself and got out. Right before the door closed I thought I heard a faint laugh of disbelief, but I pretended not to notice and walked into the apartment building.
I stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the twenty-eighth floor; only then did a belated wave of awkwardness wash over me. That was why familiar people were comfortable. Nothing was easier than a habit already worn into the body. I let out a long sigh as the elevator shot upward to its destination in an instant.
“You’re here?”
There were only two units on the twenty-eighth floor. Do Ha-jin’s was the one on the left, and he was already standing outside the front door. The neat clothes and strong cologne were the same as always.
“Come on in.”
He smiled warmly and opened the door for me. Inside the house there was no one. At this hour his parents would of course still be at the company, but even the housekeeper was nowhere to be seen.
“Isn’t the person who works here around?”
“Nah. After I left for studying abroad the place has been empty most of the time, so they said there wasn’t really a need.”
“……”
“You know where Oppa’s room is, right? Go wait there. I’ll bring something to drink.”
I glanced around the silent house once, then started walking.
Do Ha-jin’s room was already prepared for studying. A round table that looked newly bought sat in the center, stacked high with workbooks whose titles all had something to do with the college entrance exam. I sat down in the chair with a slightly uneasy feeling just as he came in carrying two glasses of juice.
“The weather’s gotten a lot hotter, hasn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
I answered half-heartedly while sipping the orange juice with ice floating in it. He kept scanning me without pause as he took the seat beside me. He even pulled his chair closer, closing the distance until—rustle—his left arm lightly brushed mine.
Ironically, the arm I looked at was the right one. The sticky sensation of that other man’s arm clinging to me earlier had suddenly resurfaced.
“Anyway, I put together a rough plan all the way to this year’s CSAT. Even if it gets a little tough, if we stick to this the results won’t be bad. You were always good at studying.”
Do Ha-jin leaned in a little more until our arms pressed together. Weight settled on my shoulder; warmth transferred. There was a faint sense of security from it, yet somehow the impression wasn’t as strong as I might have expected. Maybe the stimulus was just lacking.
“So… are you listening?”
At some point he had already opened one of the workbooks. I dragged my gaze back from empty space and focused; dense English filled the page.
“You’re good at English, right? Let’s try solving some.”
I took the mechanical pencil he held out without protest, but motivation refused to appear. I skimmed roughly and checked any random number; a soft chuckle came from beside me, and then my hair was being tucked behind my ear.
“You have to actually read it properly before solving.”
“……”
Do Ha-jin propped his chin on his hand and toyed with my hair, eyes rather syrupy.
His inner thoughts were obvious, yet not so blatant that they triggered real rejection, which made dodging awkward. He had even tied my hair for me when we were kids, so this much was… I decided to leave it alone for now.
What Do Ha-jin did for the entire two hours after that was explain problems while occasionally pressing his arm against mine, or stroke my cheek in praise whenever I found an answer.
Because the house was empty I had briefly suspected he might have brought me here for something underhanded, but thinking about it, he had never been that kind of crude person. That was why being alone with him in the house had never felt strange to begin with.
“Want to eat dinner before you go?”
The second the lesson ended he asked.
“Oppa’s good at pasta. I already prepped all the ingredients. Stay and eat.”
I thought for a moment, then shook my head.
“I’m not hungry.”
“It’s already dinner time? You’re going to eat at home anyway. Oppa’s bored—eat with me.”
“The driver’s waiting outside too… I just want to go.”
“…Alright.”
Do Ha-jin was bothersome, yet he was obedient. His natural temperament had always been gentle, so even as kids he had gone along with whatever I wanted, but ever since he started harboring special feelings for me he had acted like a man desperate to do even better. Sometimes it was comfortable; other times it was uncomfortable. More precisely, it made me anxious.
Emotions had an expiration date. So the kindness mixed with emotion was the same. Someday when his interest in me faded, not only would the current level of kindness disappear—even the kindness from childhood would never return.
I wished we could have just stayed the oppa and little sister we used to be. It was a shame, but other people’s hearts were beyond my control, so I had already resigned myself and prepared in advance. There was no point attaching meaning to feelings that wouldn’t last forever; I would only end up hollow.
“I’ll walk you down to the first floor. The books are heavy.”
“Then why assign homework.”
“It’s tutoring—of course I assign it. Give them here. Oppa will carry them.”
From Do Ha-jin’s unit down to the first floor in the elevator, I didn’t lift a single finger; I only moved my feet.
I glanced at him holding the common entrance door so I could go out first, then stepped outside the building—and my eyes met those of the man leaning against the sedan. Arms crossed, one leg bouncing lightly, he looked at Do Ha-jin standing next to me and raised his eyebrows.
“Ji-yul, isn’t that your car?”
“It is.”
“Then who’s that guy?”
“New driver. Kim the driver quit.”
“What? Why?”
“He’s working at Father’s factory now.”
Do Ha-jin’s brow furrowed faintly. When I asked why, he gave no answer.
Even as we approached, the man didn’t straighten up from his lean; he just watched us with an interested expression. I thought I could guess the meaning of the gaze that flicked back and forth between Do Ha-jin and me. After all, I had watched him and Hui-yeon unnie the same way.