Get a Hold of Yourself
It was an unfamiliar warmth that wrapped around her entire body, something she felt like she was experiencing for the very first time. How could she describe it? It was as if she were floating aimlessly in the sky, trapped inside a fluffy cloud.
It was undeniably cozy, yet somewhere deep down, a vague sense of unease lingered alongside it. Like staring at a perfect bubble resting in the palm of her hand, anxiously wondering when it might burst.
Even so, right now, the desire to simply savor this soft comfort was overwhelmingly strong.
Even if it was a dream, she wanted to indulge in this strange yet not unpleasant sense of peace just a little longer.
At some point while murmuring to the wind like an incantation, a hazy fear crept over her.
Somehow, she felt she ought to open her heavy eyelids, but her body refused to obey her mind.
How much time had passed in that hazy state?
Kiddo. Hey, kiddo.
The familiar voice echoing in her ear like a faint ringing gradually eased the anxiety in her heart.
Our little kiddo.
The words came clearer than before, and strength finally returned to her heavy eyelids.
No matter how many times she heard it, that single word always pierced straight into her heart and made it tremble. Kiddo.
It was the word she had longed to hear for the rest of her life, even when she became an old grandmother. Perhaps it was that longing that gave her courage, because her eyes opened on their own.
And as her slowly lifting eyelids widened, the blurry vision gradually began to find its focus.
“You’re awake.”
“Huh? It’s the young master!”
Seol-hye, who had been tightly bundled under the blanket, slowly stretched out both arms and wrapped them around Tae-yul’s neck as he smiled brightly, pulling him forcefully toward her.
“Hup!”
Their lips met. With her eyes squeezed shut, she tightened her arms even more, drawing him closer until their chests were nearly touching.
It felt as though her mouth was filled with pink cotton candy. The saliva that welled up tasted sweetly saccharine.
At some point, a faint breath slipped between her parted lips, its warmth reaching all the way to the back of her throat.
It was so warm and sweet that if she could, she would have swallowed that warmth deep into her body. The sensation was that good.
Seol-hye’s heated lips moved once. Then, between her neat, pearly teeth, her red tongue began to push outward little by little.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
Seol-hye’s eyes flew open. She blinked rapidly and carefully drew her slightly extended tongue back in.
She pressed her parted lips together, curling them inward, as a deep crimson flush settled across both her cheeks.
“Get a hold of yourself.”
Unlike Tae-yul, whose face was flushed with heat as he exhaled sharply, Seol-hye could only sit there in a daze, her moist lips still pressed tightly together.
What on earth had just happened? The person she had seen when she opened her eyes was definitely the young master.
He had been smiling brightly, not as gently as before that dark event occurred, but warmly nonetheless.
His gaze hadn’t been this cold and sharp. It had felt deep, as if he were looking only at her, even if it wasn’t exactly affectionate.
For a moment, she had felt as if she had gone back to when she was twenty. The brief flutter of excitement and happiness now filled her with shame.
She had been mistaken. How foolish.
“After you so generously gave me those lips and told me to take them back, you go and use them however you please again.”
That day they had run into each other at the club, she had slept the entire ride home in the car. She only remembered being helped inside the house by the bodyguards.
She had convinced herself that what she had done while drunk—something that had completely upended a person’s life—was nothing more than a drunken act with no soul behind it.
—Take back the lips you so carelessly left behind nine years ago.
She had thought it was a shy little memory she alone cherished in secret. Learning that he had kept it in his heart for nine whole years had felt so unfair.
The kiss had been nothing but a drunken, meaningless outburst, yet she had trembled all over and sobbed, making a pathetic fool of herself.
She had never dreamed he would remember. She had been certain it was a memory that belonged only to her, and she had told herself countless times how lucky that was.
It was better this way.
After all, it was nothing.
The warmth of the hand around her nape, the intensity that had left her lips swollen—none of it mattered.
Even if her heart had pounded alone and the most secret part of her body as a woman had grown wet, she had told herself she could simply tuck that aching emotion away in some corner of her chest like it had been nothing more than a dream.
But he had remembered everything from that time.
“Hoo—”
The sigh that brushed against the bridge of her nose was so heavy it felt as if it reached all the way to her heart. Only then did she feel the frantic beating in her chest, as though she had just woken from sleep.
What had her heart been doing all this time that it only started racing now?
Her mind, which had been frighteningly blank and empty, finally began to fill with a whirlwind of thoughts.
“What the…”
When she saw his lips, which he was touching with the tips of his fingers, clearly swollen, the gravity of the situation hit her all over again. His face was filled with blatant disbelief.
Had it really been a dream?
It made no sense. Or perhaps it had been some kind of hallucination?
The aftermath was so intense that simply telling herself she had done something insane didn’t feel sufficient. A corner of her chest kept aching.
“Why don’t you say something?”
“That’s…”
She wished someone would explain it to her too. What on earth had just happened?
“It’s been roughly twenty hours since you passed out, so I suppose hallucinations could occur.”
Twenty hours. And she had slept in this room’s bed.
“You were suffering from malnutrition, sleep deprivation, and overwork. I told them to make sure you got several days of proper rest and relaxation, so I won’t say anything more about that.”
Now that she thought about it, she had barely slept while preparing the handover documents and compiling materials for the next month. Naturally, she had skipped most of her meals as well.
“Now, would you mind letting go of my neck?”
“…!”
Only then did Seol-hye release her arms, which had been wrapped around him with desperate strength. What on earth had she done?
If those firm arms of his hadn’t been braced against the pillow, their bodies might have pressed together completely. The mere thought made her entire body stiffen.
Her chest, which already felt full enough to burst, would have been mercilessly crushed.
In the midst of it all, as he slowly straightened his previously leaning body, the pale blue silk shirt he wore looked especially beautiful. The fabric was so light and airy.
Was that why? His complexion, which had seemed perfectly calm, now appeared faintly flushed, just like it did after a shower.
“They say anything is hard the first time, but the second time is easy.”
The rebuke, grounded in an undeniable truth that left no room for argument, made her lips press together once more.
“But the third time? That’s even easier.”
Up until that moment, she hadn’t fully grasped his meaning. She had simply accepted that there was a logical progression to it.
“Especially when it’s something impure.”
Was it just her imagination, or was there something sly and secretive lurking in the depths of those dark eyes?
A strange, subtle atmosphere seemed to seep even under the blanket. Her legs instinctively drew together as her face grew hot and a peculiar shiver ran through her entire body.
—Don’t you realize that could be the biggest risk factor?
Back when she had confidently declared that nothing worrisome would happen.
—Do you even know what I’m worried about?
In truth, she hadn’t known then. But now, she thought she might understand.
It had been her own reckless curiosity from her immature days that had led her to do something so foolish.
Whether it had been a mistaken belief that it was a dream or a hallucination born from mental confusion, she had been the one to commit such a dangerously reckless act.
“This will never happen again. Something like this.”
He rose from where he had been sitting on the edge of the bed. His expression was utterly indifferent, as if he hadn’t even heard a word she said.
“I’m sorry. It seems I lost my mind for a moment.”
Seol-hye quickly sat up and offered one final apology to Tae-yul’s broad back as he turned away. Then she yanked the blanket over her head.
—Kiddo.
The voice that had settled by her ear right before she collapsed finally reached her, faint and hazy.
—You seem to be under a very serious misunderstanding. To me, you’re nothing but a ‘dog.’ A dog. Do you understand what I’m saying?
Those words had hurt enough to make her chest ache.
—Don’t make a perfectly fine person’s eyes roll back in their head.
Had her body’s weakness made her heart weak as well?
—My patience isn’t infinite, you know.
Suddenly, her eyes burned with heat. For some strange reason, she felt a wave of sorrow.
Out of nowhere, she missed her mother.
The mother who had left her with nothing but a diary full of unimaginable secrets and had been so indifferent toward her.
Even three years felt this difficult. How had her mother endured such a long time without ever showing it?
Today, of all days, she missed her mother terribly—her mother who had always looked so heartbreakingly lonely.
That was probably why. She hated him so much. The owner of this obnoxiously pleasant scent that clung so heavily to the blanket.