An Unforgiving Morning
It was a morning as chaotic as everything else in the world.
Even after washing with cold water until my skin burned, my mind remained as cloudy as ever. While lathering my body, Arkin let out sighs more times than he could count. Could he face Nefetia’s face like this? The more he replayed the events from last night, the heavier his self-reproach grew—doubling, tripling with every detail.
The thorns he had hurled at her. The miserable return to the dormitory. The hellish dream. The night of hazy consciousness when he had sought out Nefetia in a daze and lost himself in pleasure. The traces of that messy night that Zafiri had caught. And now the sun was high overhead. He had no idea what time it was or how far behind in lessons he stood.
Arkin shook out his damp hair and hurried back through the empty corridor. How had the perfect life of Arkin Seilir, the Crown Prince of Solinar, come to this? Every day he had trained his body in the dew-kissed forest, tamed his mind, and devoted himself to training. What kind of mistakes, what kind of wretched feelings, had he allowed himself to experience in his life?
There was only one answer.
Nefetia.
LT__strong__“It’s only lips, after all.”
The memory of her tears from last night tightened his throat like a vice.
He did not want to know the specific reason he could not kiss her lips. He simply did not need to know. Nefetia’s expression alone explained everything. And it was, of course, the damned tradition of the Kepet royal family.
While saying it was only lips, Nefetia had still avoided Arkin’s eyes until the very end. At last she seemed to realize. She had been unable to accept fate so readily. She had finally understood they were not in that position. Too late.
But… could he not have said it more gently? Arkin scolded himself belatedly.
He was the one who had mocked her as a pitiful man. The one who had approached her anyway, hearing she was no more than a breeding mare for some wretched royal dynasty.
Nefetia had probably only wanted to help. He had forgotten the expression on her face when she had sobbed in the garden and thrown herself into his arms, that distant gaze. The sting of emotion made him cling to his tattered pride.
At the door stood Zafiri, waiting for him.
LT__strong__“Arkin, ready?”
When Arkin faced him, his thoughts multiplied once more. How far had Zafiri gone in knowing about him and Nefetia? How had he found out?
LT__strong__“You two… hurry up and do something about it. The dormitory will fall apart.”
“…Thank you, truly, Zafiri.”
Arkin buried the urge to crawl into a mouse hole and offered the savior who had appeared this morning a brief word of gratitude.
LT__strong__“No big deal. Let’s go. Instructor Seneca will be venting a lot. He said we were supposed to go to the herb field today.”
Watching Zafiri saunter ahead as though nothing had happened, Arkin bit his lip. There were questions piled high.
Could it be he had been making those sounds all night? Or before? Every single day?
Then the other rooms in the dormitory must have heard them too?
The thought that his voice might have been heard by the other princes sent a chill racing down his spine. The room spun. His face burned.
Unable to ask, he simply grew redder, hiding his gaze that kept dropping downward in embarrassment. Then he turned toward the place where the trainees had gathered.
***
LT__strong__“The sun is already high and you’re only now arriving?
Irritation colored Seneca’s voice, but Zafiri quickly patted Arkin’s shoulder and smoothed things over.
LT__strong__“Arkin’s body wasn’t feeling too good this morning.”
LT__strong__“Even if the Crown Prince isn’t feeling well, I can understand. But what exactly were you two doing that you’re so late? I thought you were just hanging out with a friend.”
LT__strong__“Why me? Why me alone?”
When Seneca grilled Zafiri, Arkin’s gaze, which had been about to sit, instinctively sought Nefetia. She was nowhere to be found.
LT__strong__“We know nothing, right, Arkin?”
Zafiri jumped and waved his hands. When Seneca’s eyes flicked over, Arkin nodded.
LT__strong__“This is getting worse. Anyway, let’s start. Follow me.”
Seneca sighed and shook his head.
The priest led the trainees to a space at one end of the herb field. Among the densely packed medicinal herbs and flowers stood a plot marked with a red line—the most important spot. Seneca stood before the tiny, blood-red flowers and surveyed the trainees with grave eyes.
LT__strong__“We will soon take the first test. Today I will show you the herbs that will be the ingredients for the Dream Potion. Pay attention.”
With a low bow, Seneca reached out and pulled up a single flower stem, roots and all. On that slender stem dangled a small, round fruit, not unlike a miniature potato.
LT__strong__“This is the Atera.”
Holding the flower high so the others could see, Seneca continued.
LT__strong__“You see the round fruits attached to the roots? Remove only the Atera fruits, shake off the soil, chop them finely, and steep them in honey. Then add a barley stalk and a few other secret ingredients to the Atera honey infusion, and you have the Dream Potion.”
The trainees murmured in excitement. The Dream Potion.
LT__strong__“Drinking the Dream Potion will cause your minds to be disturbed. Atera will fulfill the intense desires you don’t even know you harbor. It will lead you to the deepest point of your soul—the place you most want to reach—or it will show you the person you wish to have, guiding you.”
LT__strong__“How exciting. I already have a clear goal, so it will feel like I’m seeing the future.”
Petra muttered with sparkling eyes.
LT__strong__“It’s not that simple.”
Seneca continued calmly.
LT__strong__“You will each enter a curtained area one by one. Remember, others will be waiting outside. You will look into your own hopes—joy, despair, whatever you choose—while alone. Focus your mind. Be careful.”
LT__strong__“Must you really do it that way? You could just drink separately!”
Kaichen shouted.
LT__strong__“What if you lose consciousness and get humiliated in front of everyone?”
Princess Amalfi worried, but Seneca shrugged as if it were nothing.
LT__strong__“Well, it could happen. It will help you regain your composure too.”
Protests erupted from all sides, but as usual Seneca paid them no mind.
While the area buzzed with noise, Arkin turned to look for Nefetia again. Had yesterday’s events been so shocking? Where was she now…?
After searching anxiously a few more times, she finally appeared at the bottom of the hill. The moment he saw Nefetia walking quietly toward him from afar, Arkin’s heart sank. It was a sight he had never seen before. The face without a trace of a smile pressed down on his chest like a lead weight.
Had she cried all night…?
Arkin stared at her. Up close, her eyelids were swollen and red. He could not bring himself to speak. His gaze, which had darted at her helplessly, fell to the ground. How should he get through the rest of the day…?