Chapter 64
The beautiful night view of Credo Island, which had once stirred the soul with its graceful charm, now felt utterly foreign and desolate. Step after step, one foot in front of the other. Why had the path to the lodging seemed so endlessly long? The route I had once walked with effortless lightness, as if ready to soar, now stretched before me like a cruel illusion. It was beyond comprehension.
“Ugh…”
Nefetia swayed as she walked. The cool night breeze clawed at her tear-streaked cheeks. No matter how hard she tried to suppress the ache and bitterness in her chest, it was useless.
“Why can’t I kiss him? Is it something even you won’t allow? Because you’re going to become the king of Kepet?”
Arkin’s voice rang vividly in her mind—cold, wounded, seething with fury.
“It’s just lips, right? Arkin.”
“Ah…”
For the first time in her life, she felt a terrifying wave of shame. How recklessly she had answered. How deeply she had wounded him. What kind of heart Arkin had carried beneath that mask. Only now did she finally understand.
“Nanny, why does Nanny kiss my forehead, but I’m not allowed to kiss Nanny? Mother does the same. She’s never kissed me once, yet I’m told I can’t kiss her either. Why is that?”
“Princess Nefetia, the lips of the Kepet monarch are meant only for delivering sacred edicts. No one, not even you, may touch the monarch’s lips. Even the future consorts who will one day stand close to you will follow the same rule. No matter how great their status, anyone who dares to kiss the monarch’s lips will have their tongue ripped out and their lips sliced off before they are thrown to the dogs.”
Instinctive fear.
Kissing would be irreversible. Something she could not control was about to begin. She had instinctively pushed Arkin away, refusing the moment his lips brushed hers.
“You know nothing, Nefetia. You have no idea the resolve with which I came here. Don’t you? Everything is so easy for you.”
Yes… she had known nothing. She had never known.
When she had seen Arkin’s wounded face, her entire body had gone ice-cold. That sharp, bitter voice still echoed in her chest, clawing at her heart.
“Are you certain? If we share a bed, will it end after just one time?”
The long shadows of the palm trees along the path mocked her. Even walking through the darkness where light refused to reach, she only longed to hide in deeper gloom.
All she had thought was that she had to help Arkin. That she had to turn back the distance that had grown between them. So she had rushed ahead, impetuous, thinking only of her own desires. She had been so selfish.
In his eyes, she must have looked utterly selfish. How arrogant she had been.
Nefetia Himedin had never seriously considered the future. She had never needed to.
The only worries that ever troubled her were trivial things—like a favorite accessory breaking before a banquet—and a few words from her could smooth over anything.
How could she have considered Arkin’s situation with any depth?
She had only noticed that Arkin was hesitating, and she had assumed she could fix everything. That the divine blessing she carried would make every matter fall into its proper place. Naively, she had guided him forward, trying to persuade him to accept her.
When they had entered the forest together, her mind had gone completely blank from the mysterious, intoxicating feeling that overwhelmed her. When Arkin had touched her body, she had not known what to do.
Each gust of wind sent the thin fabric fluttering against her skin, sending shivers down her arms. The first time she had ever felt such a chill, Nefetia curled her shoulders and chattered her teeth. It was as if every warmth, every light inside her had vanished, and she walked through the thickest darkness.
“I’m cold…”
When she finally reached the door of the lodging, her whole body was drenched in sweat. With trembling hands she barely managed to open the door and stagger into the bedroom. She collapsed onto the bed, curled into a tight ball.
She pressed her fingertips to her swollen lips—the very spot where Arkin’s thumb had touched. The moment his thumb had pressed down, her lips had crushed beneath it. The warmth. The softness. The feeling as if her entire body was melting.
When Arkin had slowly lowered his head, when his breath had brushed her lips, Nefetia’s entire world had been nothing but Arkin. What would it feel like to kiss him? Would the coolness she had felt at her fingertips be transmitted to her lips? Or would she discover something entirely different, far more intense?
She had wanted to know. She had desperately wanted to. But…
She had wanted to kiss Arkin too.
Nefetia buried her face in the pillow and let out a small, broken sound. She truly, sincerely had wanted to kiss him. But she could not. Because the path she walked would never allow it.
The moment she had realized how much courage Arkin had mustered, her chest felt as if it was tearing apart. In his kingdom, he was allowed only one companion in a lifetime, and he had said he would remain pure for that person. Yet even so, Arkin had found the courage to… and she…
“From now on, avoid me even in your dreams. Just pretend I don’t exist.”
When she understood the depth of the despair and rage that had flooded his voice, her whole body throbbed with pain. It felt as if her bones and flesh were being torn apart, yet when she reached down to touch herself, her body was whole. No broken places, no tears. Only the agony of something forever ruined made fresh tears burst from her eyes.
“It would be better to dream of sharing our bodies… than this.”
…It hurt. It hurt so much she felt she might die.
Nefetia clutched her knees to her chest and buried her face deeper in the pillow.
“Dreaming of me might be better than dreaming of sharing our bodies…”
“Ugh… ugh…”
She had never cried this much even when she was born. Her eyes, already swollen from crying, burned, yet the tears kept coming, relentless. The pain felt as if invisible blades were slicing through her flesh.
Had she fallen ill? What if she died?
Even as dawn broke, Nefetia remained curled in the corner of the bed, trapped in darkness. Through a small window, the first rays of sunlight slanted in. She pulled the blanket over her head, avoiding the light that reached all the way to her feet as if searching for her.
Just go away… don’t shine on me… leave me in the darkness…
Perhaps it was because she had never once faced her own inadequacy that the perfect world of Nefetia had crumbled at the slightest crack. She had never felt true loneliness, and she had never known how to endure such pain.
At last, she began to feel a sense of responsibility for her own existence.
Could it be… that the god of Kepet had chosen wrong?
She could not even fathom another person’s feelings, let alone her own. A foolish girl who could not understand anyone else’s pain, an arrogant girl who could not even understand her own selfishness… How could she ever become the great monarch of Kepet?
All night, Princess Nefetia tossed and turned in agony before she finally fell into a deep sleep, as if she had fainted. It was just like any other morning, when three princesses—Petra, Stella, and Amalfi—rushed out into the corridor shouting about their late lessons. None of them even glanced at the tightly closed door of Nefetia’s room as they hurried out of the lodging.
***
“Arkin? You’re awake?”
Arkin jolted awake at the unfamiliar voice. His messy hair was a tangled mess. Someone was knocking on the door. When he did not answer, the knock came again.
“Arkin?”
His whole body throbbed. Without thinking, Arkin reached for his hair and froze when he felt the sticky, filthy palm against his scalp. This…
What had happened yesterday?
The memories that flashed through his mind made Arkin even more horrified. Walking through the fence gate, walking alone with Nefetia in the forest, the moment he had almost kissed her at the pond but she had turned her head away. The words he had poured out to her, full of resentment…
When he had finally made it back to the lodging, he had suffered the most terrifying, the most wretched dream of his life… and he had failed her again.
Arkin’s face had gone deathly pale. He bit his lips until they hurt. He could not believe he had screamed such words at Nefetia and then lost all reason and done this.
I’m such a worthless creature…
“Arkin!”
Bang bang bang! The knocking came again.
“Arkin, open the door. You’re late. I’ll help you get ready.”
The voice outside urged him on, the sheets rumpled, his body sticky. His mind was reeling. Arkin’s face, staring at the door, grew even paler.
“…Who is it?”
The next moment, without waiting for permission, the door flew open with a deafening crash.
“What, what?”
The man stepped inside without a care, half his chest bare, whistling casually. Prince Zafiri of Ivica.
“Zafiri. Here…”
“Arkin, I’m grateful you let me use the room next door. Even though the nights are so noisy, you’ve always let me in cheerfully.”
The room next door had been Zafiri’s? Arkin’s face hardened. Did that mean last night… and before that… he had heard my voice? Arkin hastily pulled the sheets over his body, but he could not do anything with his filthy hands and awkwardly turned his back instead.
“Go… first. I’m not ready yet.”
Zafiri completely ignored him. He picked up Arkin’s fallen tunic and the brooch that held it on his shoulder, then smirked.
“Let’s go together. You’re late, so hurry and shower. I’ll change the sheets and bring you new clothes myself.”
He pointed at the rumpled sheets without hesitation. Zafiri knew everything, and Arkin could not think of what to say. Hesitating, Arkin rose. That was when…
Creak. With a groan, the bed frame sagged. Arkin, and even Zafiri, stared at the pitifully broken bed in stunned silence.
“Ah…”
I wish I were dead. Arkin’s face and whole body burned red as he stood there without a word. Zafiri, looking back and forth between Arkin and the broken bed, shook his head.
“You two, do something quick. The lodging is going to collapse.”