I Want to Monopolize You
An awkward silence settled over the thick solid-wood table. Only three people sat at a table built for ten, which made it feel sparse — and one of them was radiating an aura of pure darkness.
Ju-ri pulled her gaze away from Geon-joo, seated directly across from her. By some twist of fate, she and Hae-seong had ended up side by side, with Geon-joo sitting opposite her.
She stole a glance at his eyes, which were growing sharper and darker by the minute, then pressed hard on the tip of her middle finger with her thumbnail.
"Ju-ri, finish your cake."
Thankfully, Hae-seong didn't seem to have noticed anything yet. Then again, Han Geon-joo had looked just as gloomy at the club's first gathering. In truth, he'd never once looked bright.
So his outcast energy does come in handy sometimes.
Ju-ri picked up her fork, imagining how Geon-joo would grind his teeth if he'd heard that thought. He had startled her, sure, but the yellow cheese cake was far too good to waste.
Hae-seong, watching her fondly as she ate, belatedly turned to Geon-joo.
"Would you like some?"
The offer was stilted in a way his words to Ju-ri never were. It was as if the distance between their seats measured exactly how close they actually were. Geon-joo stared through narrowed eyes at the almost-touching space between Ju-ri and Hae-seong and gave a stiff reply.
"...I'm fine."
"Ju-ri, if it's good, should I grab another slice?"
"No, no, I'm good. This is plenty. You eat some — you're the one who bought it, and here I am finishing it all."
"That's why I bought it."
Hae-seong grinned and insisted on going for another slice, and the moment he left, all sound drained from the table. Ju-ri scraped the remaining cake with her fork and brought it to her mouth.
"Is it good?"
At the brusque voice, Ju-ri glanced up at him.
"It's pretty good. Try some when Hae-seong brings it back."
"Why would... I eat that. I'm not insane."
"It's not exactly a cake you'd have to be crazy to eat."
Ah. That's not what I meant to say.
Ju-ri pressed the edge of her fingernail into her fingertip again. Han Geon-joo's transparent reactions were the problem. His feelings were so readable that she kept poking at him just to see what would happen.
"...When did you two get so close?"
"Close with who?"
"......"
Geon-joo shut his mouth. Right — he's in no state to take a joke. It had never really been his style anyway, but today he was more volatile than usual. It was entertaining, but she figured she shouldn't provoke him further, so she answered obligingly.
"We're not that close. We both got here early, so we just talked for a bit."
"You're not even close, and he goes out to buy cake because you said you like it?"
"He seems like a considerate person."
"...You know what? There's something really irritating about you."
Ju-ri blinked and tilted her head slightly.
"And what about you, Geon-joo? What exactly is your complaint?"
"......"
"If you're not going to be honest, why should I be?"
Of course, even if he were honest, the odds were excellent that she'd stay exactly as she was. It was simply her nature.
"I'm not being honest?"
"Is this honest? You walk in and make it obvious you're in a foul mood, and you're still doing it. It's rude to Hae-seong, too."
"......"
The muscles along Geon-joo's jaw went taut. Apparently, the mention of Hae-seong had grated on him badly. Ju-ri fell quiet. Watching him genuinely angry, she felt a wave of exhaustion.
"Anyway, people will be here soon, so knock it off. Some of them might think it's strange. Ruining the mood over our business is a burden on everyone else."
Even smoothed over with a soft touch, because she had no desire to keep wasting breath on a pointless argument, his hardened expression didn't budge.
Acting like a sulky kid isn't cute.
Ju-ri slid her gaze aside and sighed inwardly.
"...It rubs me the wrong way, how Park Hae-seong pretends to be close with you."
"......?"
"That's why I was in a foul mood."
Ju-ri blinked. Geon-joo spoke with a stiff face.
"I'm... closer to you than he is. Aren't I."
She very nearly made a sound she would have regretted, biting her lower lip with her upper teeth. If she'd been drinking coffee, it would have gone everywhere.
A man on the edge of his thirties, saying something straight out of elementary school...
Ju-ri covered the lower half of her face with her hand to hide her expression.
"Am I wrong?"
Looking at those tense eyes, Ju-ri hummed an "Mm."
"We are close. You and I."
"......"
"In a certain sense."
"What sense?"
She nodded. She meant physical closeness. Well, even setting that aside, she had spent more hours talking with Geon-joo than with Hae-seong.
Geon-joo seemed to catch her meaning. His face sagged as his eyes dropped. Just what meaning does this man assign to our relationship?
It felt like catching a glimpse of someone treasuring, like a precious jewel, a seashell she herself had tossed aside without a second thought.
A fresh question washed over Ju-ri. Did body and mind really need to be kept so cleanly separate? Why did he bristle every time physical intimacy was implied? It wasn't as though he wanted something platonic.
Though I'd hate that even more.
Arms crossed, Ju-ri sighed. Talking with Han Geon-joo always left her feeling like her own moral standards — which she'd always considered perfectly ordinary — were startlingly low.
Perhaps because he heard that sigh, when she lifted her head he was staring right at her. With nothing to say, Ju-ri offered a thin smile.
"If you want honesty."
His lips quivered.
"I think I want to monopolize you, Ju-ri."
Gulp.
Ju-ri clapped a hand over her mouth.
She had told him to be honest — but only as a way of criticizing him, and the rawness of his answer caught her far more off guard than she'd expected.
"Didn't I say that was rude?"
"......"
"I said having that kind of... arrangement while someone has a lover is disrespectful."
"I told you before — I have no intention of being the same thing to you that Geon-joo is."
She whispered it while watching Hae-seong return with the cake.
"I know."
"......"
She shot Geon-joo a sideways glance.
He was far calmer now than he'd been a moment ago, seething with displeasure.
Huh?
"But until you find a boyfriend, I'll be the closest person in your life. Won't I?"
"What does that—"
Hae-seong was drawing nearer.
"—mean, that sex-friend arrangement?"
Ju-ri's heart plummeted. Hae-seong had come close enough to catch it. Sure enough, he pulled out a chair and sat down.
Ba-dump, ba-dump.
Ju-ri, who almost never flustered, felt her heart race.
Did he hear?
Hae-seong set the yellow cheese cake down in front of her.
"Thanks, Hae-seong."
"Don't mention it. What were you two talking about?"
In that instant, Ju-ri's and Geon-joo's eyes collided head-on.
"Oh, this and that. Geon-joo says he's fine with the next campsite being a bit far."
"Oh, really? Last time you said a far one was too much of a hassle."
"I guess camping together was more fun than I expected. Right?"
Geon-joo nodded slowly.
And with that, the covert conversation with Geon-joo came to an end.
"Everyone got here early."
Choi Min-seok, the club president, tapped the table in his comfortable weekend clothes. Starting with Min-seok, the members trickled in one by one, and the twelve-seat table filled up fast. Having met most of them at the first camping meetup, Ju-ri made the rounds greeting everyone, with the usual light small talk — what they'd been up to since — thrown in. Hae-seong did the same, but Geon-joo only gave curt nods to those seated near him and nothing more.
Amid the warm, convivial atmosphere, Geon-joo stood apart like a solitary island. As if chatting or building rapport held no importance whatsoever, he kept his gaze fixed on Ju-ri alone.
Even as she talked with Hae-seong beside her, or with the president Min-seok, or with the people she'd grown friendly with, she could feel his eyes on her.
"Oh, really? An accident? You could've been seriously hurt..."
Even while clicking her tongue and sympathizing, a thread of her attention stayed tethered to Geon-joo.
It's like he's running an announcement that he only showed up to this meeting because of me.
However much the others indulged his prickly, peculiar personality, if he kept staring like that, someone was bound to notice something was off.
Ju-ri turned to look at him with a smiling face. The moment her gaze — which had been on everyone but him the whole time — finally landed on him, his eyes lit up behind his glasses.
"How have you been, Geon-joo?"
"...Not well. Not particularly."
She had spoken to him on a judgment that striking up conversation like she would with anyone else was the better move. His negative answer, instead of the customary "fine," drew the attention of everyone around them.
"Why? What happened?"
"I've had a lot on my mind."
"Oh, what could you possibly be worried about? Love troubles? Stock troubles? Real estate?"
Min-seok, seated beside him, showed enthusiastic interest. He apparently believed a president's duty was member management, and Geon-joo's isolation had been nagging at him.
Much as his concern was touching, the man himself didn't seem the least bit sorry about his lack of closeness with the group.
"Love troubles."
"Ooh."
This time, everyone besides Min-seok perked up with keen curiosity. The love troubles of a man so wooden that everything got an indifferent grunt out of him — even the Ju-ri of before he'd tangled himself into her life would have found it interesting. Now, of course, it just pissed her off.
Has he lost his mind?
Geon-joo stared straight at her as he spoke.
"There's someone I'm interested in, but what we each want from each other is different."
Ju-ri smiled faintly.
Absolute lunatic.
The icebreaking small talk wound down and the meeting moved into serious discussion, but Ju-ri couldn't concentrate on a word of it. All she could remember was the rough outline — two weeks from now, camping at Mongsanpo Camping Ground, the site she'd proposed on the first day — and the rest wouldn't come back to her no matter how she tried.
Because even while the schedules were being worked out, Geon-joo's gaze remained fixed on her and her alone.