I Want to Break Off the Engagement

In Joshua's memories, Eleanor as a child had been small and chubby, like a little angel descended from heaven. The two of them had first met when they were four or five, and Joshua had looked down at his own scrawny, unremarkable self and clenched his teeth. Watching Eleanor nestled snugly in her mother's arms—something he had never known—he'd been so envious he hardly knew what to do with himself.

From the moment Joshua had become old enough to think for himself, his father, Baron Hareis, had always said the same thing: the woman raising him was not his birth mother. Your real mother sold you and abandoned you for money, the Baron would tell him. And since your birth mother threw you away, your family from now on is the House of Hareis and no one else. But even from a young age, Joshua had understood that there was no place for him among them.

His father was attentive and gentle, yet somehow left him ill at ease. His mother never bothered to hide the contemptuous smile she wore whenever she looked at him, and never spared him any care. His older brother was as kind as their father, but mindful of the mother who looked upon Joshua with such displeasure, he kept his distance. To Joshua, the place called home had been no different from a prison.

Then there was the fiancée his father had chosen for him. He had despised Eleanor as a child, and he despised her still. And yet she had always maintained that warm, familiar attitude toward him. It was only a few days ago, at a social gathering, that Eleanor had abruptly changed.

Joshua genuinely found it strange. How could anyone transform so completely in a single moment? His mind simply could not make sense of it. Eleanor turned her head away, as if she had no intention of answering. In the sitting room, only the crackle of the fireplace sounded quietly in the silence.

"Why aren't you answering me? Did you not hear, Lady Eleanor?"

Eleanor spoke without so much as glancing at him.

"Why would I bother answering, my lord? You seem to enjoy hearing that I despise you."

At the merciless words, Joshua's face hardened bit by bit. He had truly never imagined Eleanor would be so careless of his dignity.

"What did you just say?"

"Shall I say it again? I loathe you, my lord. To the point of shuddering. Do you understand me now?"

"Ha! Lady Eleanor. Your father is a Grand Duke, and you outrank me, I'll grant you that. But surely even so, you ought not insult me like this. I am, if nothing else—"

"Your fiancée?"

Eleanor's gaze turned to Joshua. When she was the one to speak the word he had always strained to deny, an inexplicable irritation flared up in him without warning.

It was because he had never intended to marry this woman, a woman of such lowly blood that even he did not know its origin. If the two of them wed, the whispers would be endless—endless. Joshua found the thought of it truly dreadful.

Eleanor watched his expression shift from moment to moment and laughed inwardly.

"And what's so grand about being a fiancée? It's nothing but a respectable name tacked on for show. Who can say what the future holds?"

"What on earth are you talking about? What future?"

Joshua, who had worn his displeasure openly the entire time, stared at Eleanor with a bewildered expression. He seemed unable to grasp her meaning in the slightest. Eleanor spoke slowly, her face calm, as though discussing someone else's affairs entirely.

"The marriage, of course."

"......"

"Let's end it properly, with sincere intentions."

"What are you trying to say, my lady?"

Eleanor looked him straight in the eye and said, with complete seriousness:

"I want to break off our engagement, my lord."

The carriage rattled onward along the road. Seated inside, Eleanor drew back the curtain and looked out the window. The rain had stopped at some point during her conversation with Joshua. Watching the last drops of water fall from the carriage roof, she let out a long sigh.

"What did you just say? Break off the engagement?"

"Yes. You heard me correctly."

"Ha. Don't be absurd, my lady! Even if we care nothing for each other—even if we despise each other utterly! Marriage is no child's game. How can you speak of breaking an engagement so casually?"

"It's precisely because I understand the weight of marriage that I say this. I have never been more serious in my life, my lord."

"Still, it's impossible! Your parents will never permit it. Nor will the Grand Duke!"

"Oh, they will. The moment I tell them I'd rather die than live with you."

Speechless—that was the only way to describe the look on his face at those resolute words. Recalling Joshua's expression, Eleanor felt a small surge of relief.

You refuse? No. I will break off this engagement with you if it's the last thing I do, Joshua Hareis!

The mere thought of marrying Joshua again made her skin crawl. She would sooner wed Charles than bind herself to a beast too graceless to know gratitude. Having thought that far, Eleanor was startled by Charles's name surfacing in her mind so unbidden. Why on earth had it come so naturally to her—that marrying Charles would be preferable?

Probably because he avenged me in my stead.

When she thought back to the Charles of her childhood, he had been a shy, gentle boy.

After the catastrophe that befell the Berryhimen family, when his kin fled the capital as if driven out, Charles had consoled her as she wept, promising that we will meet again—wait for me, he'd said, like a vow. For a long while afterward, Eleanor had clung to that promise, believing that Charles would surely return.

But as one year passed, then two, then more than ten, Eleanor stopped thinking of the promise she had made with Charles altogether. The little girl who had wept because she missed him was gone too. She grew so indifferent to him that even his face faded from her memory.

Occasionally his name would surface when a maid close to the Grand Duchess came with a message for her, but that was all. Hearing his name no longer pleased Eleanor, nor did it make her miss him. He stirred nothing in her—like a distant relative she barely knew. Too much time had passed for anything else.

But he never forgot me.

Charles had remembered her all this time. And he had even carried out her revenge on her behalf. As she stared out the window, the rims of Eleanor's eyes turned red.

Meanwhile, Hin was peeling an apple with her paring knife, chattering away without a moment's pause.

"...So anyway, my lady, this is the first time I've ever seen the second son of House Hareis with my own two eyes, and honestly, how can he be even worse than I imagined? I mean, how does anyone make a face like that and be so frosty at the same time—"

Hin had been rattling on about her first impression of Joshua when she noticed that her mistress, who always answered her every question dutifully, had gone unusually quiet. A strange feeling came over her, and she stopped her hands and looked up. Her ladyship was gazing out the window, and her eyes were red. Hin's own eyes went wide with shock.

"M-my lady? What's wrong?"

The paring knife slipped from her fingers. Hin pushed the plate aside and anxiously studied Eleanor's face. Caught off guard by the sudden attention, Eleanor hastily rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. When the tears came away on her skin, it was Hin who panicked more than anyone.

"My lady, what's the matter? Are you hurt somewhere? D-did I perhaps say something terrible about Lord Hareis—"

"It's nothing like that."

Eleanor cut her off quickly, before Hin could say anything even more ridiculous. The last thing she wanted was for Hin to mistake her tears for feelings for Joshua.

Hin, who believed everything Eleanor told her without question, breathed a sigh of relief and clutched her chest. All trace of her earlier panic vanished in an instant.

"Whew. Thank goodness. I thought you hated hearing me badmouth him."

Eleanor, who had already recovered her usual composure, gave a scornful little laugh at that. There wasn't a shred of interest in the man anywhere on her face. Which was exactly why Hin found it a bit odd.

Her ladyship might never have loved Lord Hareis, but she had always treated him with a certain respect, as the man she was eventually going to marry. Today, however, every word and gesture she'd aimed at her fiancé had been laced with contempt and loathing.

Hin was ignorant about most things in the world, but when it came to her ladyship, her confidence knew no bounds. And so she was absolutely certain her bold guess could not possibly be wrong.

Unaware of what Hin was thinking, Eleanor felt her mood sink the moment Joshua's name came up. Hin studied her mistress's face carefully before speaking.

"But my lady, you never had any particular complaints about Lord Hareis before. So why did you look like you couldn't stand the mere sight of him today?"

Eleanor flinched visibly.

"......Was it that obvious?"

Hin nodded her head vigorously, like a baby chick pecking at grain.

"Yes! Completely!"

"......Ahem. Let me know in advance next time. It would be a problem if others noticed."

"Don't you worry, my lady! If anyone's reputation gets ruined, it had better be Lord Hareis's, not ours! I'll keep a close eye on everything so not a single shred of harm comes to you!"

"...Mm. Thank you. Hearing you say that is oddly reassuring, Hin."

"Of course! I'm your trusty right hand, after all!"

Watching Hin blink up at her with that resolute little face, Eleanor felt as though all her bitter feelings were being swept away. Yes. Everything was going to be all right. Biting into the apple Hin handed her, Eleanor sank into thought.

What are you doing right now, Charles?