Cheap Sympathy and Its Consequences

"No. I'll never become that kind of parent. Because I'm never getting married, and I'm never having kids. How can I be a bad parent if I don't have any children?"

"Ah. So you won't get married…"

The man smiled bitterly and nodded. It didn't look like a smile born of belief. Woo-yeon could never understand why adults refused, out of hand, to believe a woman when she said she wasn't going to marry.

Instead of arguing, she quietly finished what was left of her hot chocolate. She had misspoken, yes — but she still hoped he would run toward a happier path. Life was too precious to spend doing only the things you loved every single day; if a kind man like him spent his entire life doing nothing but things he hated and then died, how furious and cheated would he feel?

A moment later, his rigid expression eased, and he began to laugh.

"You're right. Instead of becoming a doormat, I could run away and live happily as a fake adult."

"…Huh?"

Woo-yeon's mouth fell open and the words died in her throat. The instant she heard that laugh, she understood — he had decided to go in the exact opposite direction of what she had wished for him.

…Because my answer was so pathetic and ridiculous.

She stared up at his face. He was still wearing that smile, but the bleak, exhausted look she had glimpsed earlier somehow seemed less sad than this. She lowered her head and bit down on her lip. If only I hadn't answered like that. If only I hadn't stuck my nose in like that. All I wanted was to help him somehow. A choked sound slipped out before she could stop it.

"Mister, I'm sorry."

"…Sorry for what?"

She didn't know what to say. She kept her head down and twisted her fingers together. She was so desperately sorry that she couldn't be of even the slightest help to this man she was so grateful to — and so heartbroken for him she thought she might die.

"I… I should have… answered a little better. I should have… actually thought before I spoke… I just… I just wanted you to be happy, so… hhnn… I'm sorry."

His gaze found her eyes. In that instant, something vast and unnamable passed between them in a sudden rush.

"…Thank you. Truly. And I… I'm all right."

He bowed his head and smiled with a twisted mouth. Woo-yeon knew then that he had not changed his mind.

Hoo. Hoo. She took a deep breath and set her fingers on the door-lock keypad. She could see the tips of them trembling faintly.

It's okay. You've done everything you needed to do. All that's left is to wait.

She tried to rally her courage, but her breath kept catching and her chest kept shrinking in on itself.

I'm glad I paid the money in advance.

After they left the café, the man had walked with her as far as the nearest bank. She had to get it done before every last scrap of her courage blew away. Inside her bag was the notice with the tuition account number written on it. She took the receipt the bank teller handed her in both hands and checked it about ten times before a sigh of relief finally escaped her.

"This is my phone number. If anything happens, call me right away."

"…Okay."

"If your father starts questioning where the money came from, you make sure you call. I'll explain everything. Understood?"

He had repeated the instructions several times, then flagged down a taxi, taken her to the apartment complex, and watched from behind until she walked in through the entrance.

Woo-yeon had flashed him a bright smile, then squared her shoulders hard so he could see, tightened her stomach, and marched inside with all the bravery she could muster.

"That's it. Now no matter how much Mom and Dad yell and scream, they can't take it back. If I just get through today in one piece, I'm getting out of this house."

Four years wasn't a short time. This might even be how she naturally became independent. No one knew what might happen to Mom, to Dad, or to her in the meantime.

I'll think about that when it happens.

She took about ten deep breaths, dragged up every last shred of remaining courage, and pressed the numbers.

Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep. Bii-ro-rong.

The moment the door opened, she saw the dining table still overturned, the floor littered with grains of rice, side dishes, and shards of broken dishes, and the ceiling and walls dense with food stains. Her mother, her face mottled blue with fresh bruises, was drinking makgeolli in the corner of the kitchen; she staggered to her feet.

"It's your graduation ceremony and you weren't at school — where the hell have you been wandering around? The school called! And you left your phone here too?"

"…I went to the Han River."

"The Han River? Give me a fucking break. What, you staging a protest because we won't pay your tuition? Start talking straight."

"I really did go to the Han River!"

Her mother flinched for a second, but then the blood rushed hot and red into her face. Woo-yeon added quickly, before the anger could fully land.

"Mom. I got into Seolim Arts University."

It wasn't something she could hide anyway, and she knew she had to break through this crisis head-on. She had come prepared. Her mother snorted as if it weren't even funny, and her father poked his head out of the master bedroom with a sneer.

"What's this nonsense now. Where do you think you're going without a single won to your name."

Woo-yeon clenched her fists until they bled and stammered,

"D-Dad… you… you told me to go figure it out myself… So I… I borrowed the money and paid the enrollment fee…"

"What? What the hell are you talking about?"

Her mother's eyes went as wide as fists. Her father planted a hand on his hip and snarled.

"Fuck, is that words or is that a fart. Where would you get money? And not some pocket change — five million won! That school doesn't even give national scholarships, does it. Did you shake someone down? Did you steal it? Where'd you get it!"

Before he'd even finished speaking, her whole body started to shake violently. She had been home for barely a minute, and the courage she thought she had packed into her chest had already shriveled to a speck. She was so grateful she had paid the enrollment fee in advance. If she had come home first, she never would have held on to that resolve.

She had to get through this. She had come ready for it. Woo-yeon kept talking to the end, even as she trembled.

"I didn't steal it. A man helped me — he said to use it for school. So I went to the bank and paid it. I'm going to Seolim Arts University. I'm going to paint…"

"What? What did you just say?"

Her father lunged at her and seized her by the collar. Bloodshot eyes blazed; a grinding sound scraped out between his teeth.

"A man? What man? Who is he?"

Her feet dangled in midair. Earlier the man had told her what to say, but her mind went white and nothing came. Tears began streaming down her face in a mad rush.

"I-I don't know. A man I… met for the first time today… at Mapo… Bridge, he gave me five million won…"

"You crazy bitch! This shit again? Why would some guy you just met hand you that kind of money! Start telling the truth!"

A colossal pain exploded across her cheek, and her body lifted into the air.

At the security guard's voice through the intercom, Chief Secretary Choi Hong-yeon shot out into the hall as if sprung. Doors opened all over and people hurried out. They had been waiting in anxious suspense for Executive Director Han Lee-won, who had vanished without a trace the moment the will was read.

Household staff and employees in mourning clothes formed a silent line before the front door. Madam Song In-hee, who oversaw the household aides, smoothed her tightly coiled white hair and took her place at the front; Hong-yeon tightened his tie and stood opposite her. Madam Song sighed and muttered,

"He could have at least taken a car. However much he wanted to be alone, in this cold…"

Hong-yeon shook his head. Of course a car would have made him trackable — but he wouldn't have been able to manage it.

"He wouldn't have been in any condition to drive. He stayed at the Chairman's side straight through to the end, and barely slept during the funeral either. He was holding himself together on caffeine supplements — and during the funeral Mass he was swaying on his feet while holding a candle."

"Honestly. He could have caught a little sleep here and there. How can a person have so little sense about these things."

Behind Hong-yeon, Security Chief Kim Hyeong-gi clicked his tongue in pity.

Executive Director Han had always governed himself by an excessively harsh standard. If something was his duty, he never complained no matter how hard it became, and he never cut corners. The habit of ruthlessly suppressing any desire for comfort or luxury was etched deep into him. So with difficult mourners arriving in a constant stream, telling him to go somewhere and steal a nap was never going to land.

Beep-beep. Beep-bee-rung. Ding.

With the security-disarm chime at the entrance, a tall man in a gray coat stepped inside. Everyone gathered bowed their heads as one, and Madam Song In-hee offered her condolences.

"Welcome home, Executive Director. How deeply you must have been grieving."

"Thanks to your concern, I've been greatly comforted. Thank you."

His voice was cracked and hoarse, but his manner was as plain as a greeting. Executive Director Han had lost the only family he had left, and Madam Song In-hee herself was deeply shaken by the death of the elder she had served for thirty years — yet the exchange between them was spare and clean. Behind them, one of the younger household aides let out a thin sniffle, but even that withered at once under Madam Song's stern glance.

Hong-yeon asked worriedly,

"Are you all right, Executive Director? Perhaps we should call Dr. Jeong to examine you — or at the very least, an IV drip?"

"No. I'm fine. This much is bearable."

Madam Song took the coat he held out and her eyes went round. The hem of the gray cashmere coat was filthy with mud and worn to shreds. It looked as if he had deliberately dragged it along the ground. Where on earth had he been for half a day, and what had he done, for a coat to end up like that? But no one dared to ask.