A Broken Whisper
“Hik... uh.”
A strange, broken sound hung in the air, a choked sob torn from my throat. The moment it pierced my ears, goosebumps rose across my skin. It was my own voice, yet I hated hearing it so much I bit my lips until they bled.
I had opened my legs wide for him, just moments before, and watched his hips thrust forward. Now I squeezed my eyes shut tight, unable to bear the sight of the man I once loved so deeply.
I wanted to cover my mouth with my hand, but he caught my wrist.
“Why? You’ve taken everything I have—why won’t you even give me a moan like this?”
His voice was ice-cold, colder than I had ever imagined possible. The gentle, loving tone I knew so well was gone. Every sob I let out only made his expression more twisted. I would never see that hungry look again.
I understood exactly why he was like this, yet there was nothing I could do. I could only swallow my humiliation and force back the tears.
“Did you enjoy playing me all this time, thinking I was a fool? You liked it when I got played with, didn’t you?”
“Hik... ugh... no...”
“Don’t cry. Only those who deserve it should shed tears.”
His words sliced deeper than any blade. Because they were true, I tried desperately to stop sobbing, but the sound only grew louder. His brows furrowed in irritation.
“I’m sorry...”
“Don’t you dare apologize!”
The movement inside me halted abruptly. His cold eyes drilled into me, ready to tear me apart. I couldn’t meet his gaze and turned my head to the side.
“U... uh.”
“You think you’re worthy of apologizing?”
His hot lips pressed against my ear. The lips were burning, yet a freezing chill radiated from them, making my entire body tremble.
In truth... I didn’t want to say anything. But what difference would it make if I spoke the truth? I had already done something unforgivable. Maybe it was better to be hated now than to face the guilt.
All the love and affection I had received from him... I had shattered it into pieces. So receiving punishment was only right.
“Hik... hit! Hah!”
He resumed his brutal rhythm, punishing me. I knew exactly where to strike to make me scream, and he gave it to me—again and again.
“Just lie there quietly beside me.”
“...Hik.”
“Live like a doll. Do nothing. Just exist.”
Unworthy tears spilled over. My chest ached as if it would break, yet the guilt toward him was heavier. Even though I only wished to be hurt, I couldn’t push him away.
I stayed perfectly still like the doll he demanded. I swallowed every emotion whole, pushing it deep into my chest, and received his raging storm completely.
‘I’ll use you too. Until my grandmother passes, we’ll play at happiness.
The relationship between us had an expiration date. It was worse than being with anyone else. The more we were together, the more miserable it became.
“Hah! Hah!”
Thinking back, one year ago, when we married, the relationship hadn’t changed at all. When I had gone out pretending to meet someone else, my father had commanded me not to love him. He told me my only job was to endure, and that since the end was already set, I shouldn’t waste my heart.
A bitter laugh escaped. Thinking of my father made me want to retch.
“Got any other thoughts?”
His grip on my chin turned my head. Throughout our marriage, he had never let me think of anything else. He had felt it deeply.
My dry throat clicked as I swallowed. His hand holding my chin trembled slightly. I could feel how furious he was.
“Hah! Wait, hah!”
I begged him to stop, but he knew there was no stopping. He only thrust harder, breaking me apart like a tyrant.
Every time he threw his weight into me, I felt like I was being slammed to the very bottom of the world. My body wanted to wrap around him in habit, but I knew what his reaction would be. Would he slap my hand away in disgust? Or hold me warmly like before?
I knew the answer, yet I missed the old him so much it hurt. I couldn’t even hug him. That fact alone was unbearable.
I pushed every emotion toward my heart, refusing even to think of still loving him.
“Don’t think. You just need to spread your legs when I want to use you.”
“Hik... uh.”
“Pathetic. You can earn the money you obsess over, and you can fuck as much as you want—why are you crying? You’re acting so unlike yourself.”
What did he think made me ‘me’? Or was there even a me left?
“Ugh!”
His large hand wrapped around my throat. It was the hand I loved so much—the strong one that told me I wasn’t alone in the world.
It squeezed as if it could snap my neck any second. Blood rushed to my face from lack of air. He, who had never allowed me to suffer, was watching me struggle without tears, only smiling.
Even when aroused, he had never held me like this. A love-free fuck left scars on the soul. No—its claws raked through my heart, tearing it to shreds.
He had been the one to suggest this relationship worse than anyone else’s. The man I loved as much as my father—could I truly have the right to refuse him?
Pain threatened to make me faint. I tried to claw at the back of his hand, but changed direction. I didn’t want even a small scar on the man whose life meant more to me than my own.
Instead, I gripped the sheets. My fingers went white from how tightly I held on. Soon, strength drained from my body too, and my eyes grew heavy.
Cough! Cough!
He released my throat, and violent coughing exploded from me. When air filled my lungs, relief flooded me. On one hand, I thought it might be better to die at his hands right now. But I pushed the thought aside. I would give my life for him later.
Watching me breathe painfully, he rose from the bed. He hadn’t finished yet and had already pulled away. This was the first time, and I looked at him with red, wet eyes.
“From now on, I’ll be living at my family’s home. Remember that.”
Wouldn’t it have been less miserable if I had at least seen hatred in his eyes?
I smiled bitterly, looking at his emotionless voice and eyes. He left the bathroom without waiting for an answer.
In the empty room, I stared at the place he had disappeared, eyes hollow.
Tuk. My head dropped.
I froze. On the ruined bed lay a tiny black object smaller than a fingernail. The tears I had been holding back broke free. I blinked rapidly and reached out.
“When did this fall out?”
Even if I hadn’t betrayed him, I was never the woman who fit beside him. If my father’s scheme hadn’t pulled me into this, I would never have met him. I was nothing.
I smiled as if I would shatter at any moment and picked up the hearing aid. My palm tingled as if it shouldn’t be there.