A Light Meal

“Shall we just have a light meal?”>

“Ah…”>

“I’ve been wanting to talk with you since that party.”>

How am I supposed to take that? I can’t tell him I’m eating with Choi Beom-jin. If he asks why I’m making that promise, I’ll have to say we ran into each other at the hospital—and then he’ll find out about my ears.

No, that’s not even it. There’s a new woman in his life now. If he finds out I met his friend as his wife, won’t he hate me even more? Was he noticing how uncomfortable I was?

“You’re thinking too much. It’s just about eating dinner.”>

Choi Beom-jin said it so casually, just wanting a meal. No hidden agenda.

“I kept your secret, so I have to pay for that bowl of rice, right?”

I should have been suspicious of how smoothly he spoke, but I wasn’t. He seemed kind, even if I didn’t know him well. The only one at the party who never gave me a cold shoulder.

“Okay, eat up. I’ll treat you next time I come to the hospital.”

“Yeah, it’s cold out. Get a cold and your ears will suffer. Always take care.”

He glanced at my coat and the corners of his mouth lifted slightly.

“And the scarf and gloves. Your clothes are too thin.”

“A-ah, yes… I’ll.”

“See you next time. Be careful.”

“Thank you.”

I left the exam room and fidgeted with the hem of my coat. It was the one he’d bought me before I betrayed him. He bought me gifts every single day. Even if I told him to stop, buying those gifts must have brought him joy.

Especially this coat I was wearing today. I’d worn it a lot and the fuzz had started to grow. I could take it to the department store for a clean, but I kept putting it off. I hated places that glittered and made noise.

My shoulders drooped heavily as I headed to the reception desk. After settling everything, I booked my next appointment. Now I had to go home, but I didn’t want to. The house felt suffocating. And I was lonely.

Instead of going home, I walked to the coffee shop I visited often and ordered a hot chamomile tea. While I waited for it to arrive, I gazed out the window.

“…”

The coffee shop sat right in front of the subway station, so there were plenty of people passing by. Some walked while staring blankly at their phones. Others smiled as they talked on the phone, probably because something good had happened. A little girl held her mother’s hand and skipped along, laughing. An old man and his grandmother with snow-white hair walked side by side. Everyone was living their own lives. My heart grew heavy.

…Grandma.

Was she doing okay? Even now, there was no contact from the private detective. My father might have gotten involved with the Shinchos, so I’d hired them all over, but I hadn’t heard a single thing about finding her.

It had been so long since I last saw her that her face and her scent were fading. I wanted to see her soon… I would find her, Grandma. I promise I will.

I’d have to switch private detectives again.

As I stared at the darkening sky, my phone vibrated. The chamomile had arrived.

Suddenly, I wondered why I wanted to see him. Maybe because he had warned me not to drink coffee after I said my stomach was upset, or perhaps because of the chamomile I’d ordered instead.

I was frustrated with myself for being chained to the past and unable to move on from that version of him. Just until the contract ends…

We can never meet again.

What was so unfair about this? The thought that I might die if I didn’t see his face right now hit me hard.

In the end, I didn’t drink the chamomile and rushed outside. I grabbed the first taxi that passed.

“To Baekgang Group headquarters, please.”

“Understood.”

I couldn’t hide my nerves as I dug my nails into my palms and memorized the passing scenery. If I appeared, he’d probably look unhappy. No, since people were watching, he might not let it show.

Even though I knew it was something he’d hate, I still wanted to see him and indulged my own greed.

I only wanted to see him from afar. As I watched the time approaching his office hours, I asked the taxi driver to stop across from the Baekgang Group building.

Before long, we arrived at the destination.

“Thank you!”

I paid the fare and stepped out. I wasn’t guilty of anything, yet I felt like a criminal as I scanned my surroundings and slipped into the alley where he couldn’t be seen from across the street.

I could hide behind a thick pillar. I stretched my neck and watched the people leaving the Baekgang Group building.

Did he finish late today? Or did he leave early?

Since I couldn’t hear anything from anyone, I decided to wait. If he didn’t come out after about an hour, I’d go home.

Just as I thought that,

“Ah…”

It was the woman from the party. The one he’d been with in the car. The image of the two of them climbing inside stuck deep in my eyes. The thorns in my vision stabbed straight into my heart.

I watched them walk away so tenderly, and my head dropped. Were the shoes wet? Rain was falling, but with such a high ceiling, it shouldn’t reach them. It was too cold for hallucinations.

Only then did I realize the tears streaming down my face. I let out a short laugh and wiped them away with the back of my hand.

I stared at my wet shoes without blinking. Then, when his car started moving, I hailed another taxi.

“Follow that car, please.”

“Why? Did your husband meet another woman?”

“…”

The moment I closed my mouth, the taxi driver’s expression changed. His eyes shifted too, as if he’d been given an order.

“Grab the wheel. I’ll follow without being noticed.”

“…Thank you.”

The driver’s words were true. He followed the car smoothly and without drawing attention. The driver probably hadn’t realized he was being tailed.

The tailing ended when his car entered the apartment entrance near the office. It had been such a short time, yet my nerves were so tight that the moment the taxi stopped, nausea surged up my throat.

“Miss, remember what I said. I’m telling you as an older brother who’s lived longer. Cheating husbands don’t stop after one time. No, they can’t stop.”

I’d heard the taxi driver’s story about leaving his wife and two children behind for a younger man on the way here. It hadn’t taken long at all.

“At first, it’s hard. You get used to it. You never know how well your kids grew up. So hang in there.”

“…Thank you.”

I couldn’t go inside the apartment without registering the car number, so I decided to get out at the entrance.

“Don’t look back at those kids. You’re still young, miss. Life is too precious to waste.”

“Yes, I will.”

I couldn’t bring myself to say that we hadn’t even been married for a full year when I stepped out of the taxi. Could I live well without him too?

Could I live a good life without him?

I stood there for a long time staring at the apartment entrance where his car had disappeared.

The sky had turned even darker than before. It looked like rain was coming. The drizzle had turned into a downpour.

Watching people hurry to avoid the rain, I lifted my body with effort. There was a river nearby. That was good. I needed to walk to calm my heart that felt about to burst. Otherwise, I might say something I’d regret before going home.

Maybe because it was winter rain. The raindrops felt like needles stabbing wherever they fell.

But it wasn’t as painful as my chest. When I wiped the rain soaking my face, it felt strange. The rain was warm. No, hot.

Could winter rain be warm? My shoulders were shivering from the cold. I didn’t understand why it was so hot.

Every time I breathed out, white breath escaped and vanished into the sky.

“…I want to disappear.”

I wanted to vanish like that breath. But then I wouldn’t hurt so much. Among the people walking quickly with umbrellas, I alone stopped.

If this place wasn’t hell, what was it?

My whole body drenched, I turned toward the river.