Shattered Shoulders
My shoulders twitched under the piercing gaze.
I clamped my mouth shut in the bone-chilling air.
Every breath felt like it might freeze solid.
The fingers that had touched him still tingled as if burned.
I clenched my fist tight.
He watched me in silence, then slowly lowered his hand beside my head.
Straightening my gaze, he lifted one corner of his mouth.
“Didn’t I tell you?”
“......”
“You just have to do exactly what I say?”
He asked as if it were easy to spread one’s legs on command.
His smiling face burned with joy as he stared at the wound in my eyes.
“Why are you being so stupid, Jin Yeon-woo? Wake up.”
His mocking tone twisted my insides, but I refused to show it.
I simply looked at him calmly.
If I showed pain, he would be pleased.
A large hand cupped my left ear, and he bent his head.
His lips hovered dangerously close to my right ear.
Just that nearness made my toes curl.
“Kiss? How ridiculous. Do you really think you have the right to say something like that?”
I couldn’t explain it was an accident.
I couldn’t say I was sorry.
So I chose silence.
He was right.
I wasn’t even a person who deserved something like this.
Perhaps it was my silence that angered him.
The atmosphere grew heavier.
His black eyes squeezed my throat.
I couldn’t even breathe.
He looked at my blue face, then flicked his eyebrows.
The hand that had stroked my cheek slid down.
“...Uh.”
Before I could protest, my thighs flew open.
And he pushed in all at once.
The enormous volume, hard enough to kill after hours of teasing, rooted itself deep.
It was unbearable, but I endured without pushing him away.
Each thick inch sliding in sent a sharp ache through me.
“Ha... ah.”
Every time he thrust his hips up, the feeling of being buried by his weight washed over me.
The helplessness of being forced deeper was foreign.
My body felt like it would break, but I didn’t care.
I wanted to remember everything he gave me.
I wanted him to carve every part of himself into my body.
Even if I left him in a year.
Not so I could forget.
So I could never forget.
My body shook wildly.
My world trembled with it.
Tears welled in my eyes as I clung to him.
I had never understood before.
How precious touching and holding each other could be.
I wanted to tell the me who had received so much love.
How wonderful the love you receive is.
How grateful the love he gives is.
So please, don’t let go.
“Hu... ugh!”
The intense pleasure made my whole body tremble.
After letting out a beast-like cry and only parting my lips, my body refused to calm when he pulled out.
I curled up tight.
“Haa. Haa.”
The thought that it was over brought my eyes shut.
Sleep crashed over me.
I didn’t even have the strength to wash.
I was going to sleep like this and shower tomorrow.
!!
The twist of my body startled me so much my eyes nearly popped out.
I turned my head and saw him sitting behind me.
He swept his hair back and opened his lips firmly.
“Don’t get tired yet. We haven’t even started properly.”
“Ah....”
I shook my head at the sensation of being sucked on his nipple.
But it only made him more aggressive, biting and tearing.
“Hu... ugh!”
He thrust all the way to the root and bit my shoulder painfully.
My body shook uncontrollably.
Blood rushed downward.
Every nerve screamed.
Beneath him in this position, I finally understood one thing.
How much he had always taken care of me.
I realized it in this moment.
He had done it every day during our marriage.
But he only did it once a day.
He worried my body might break.
No matter how I felt or how hard it was, he exploded roughly, pouring his weight on me and throwing my body.
This position was... unfamiliar.
Not only was it too deep and painful.
It also stimulated new places.
My mind was completely blank.
If this continued, I would lose my sanity.
My vision flashed white, then black.
It kept blinking out.
“Aa- ah... ah! Hic... huuuh...”
In the end, tears burst out.
I wasn’t crying from sadness.
These were physiological tears.
Even while I cried, he never stopped.
A little later.
My body, which had screamed and shrieked with sharp cries, collapsed powerlessly.
I shook violently without even breathing properly.
When he pulled out of me, I gasped.
“Ugh....”
My waist shook in front and behind of its own accord.
Worst of all, my lower body pulsed wildly.
Then came the gush of his release.
He watched me, soaked in sweat, lying still on the bed.
He turned his eyes to the window from the floor.
“......”
The sky was purple.
It was dawn.
Hah.
All night long.
It was terrifying rather than surprising.
I wanted to close my eyes and sleep.
Even though I was already tired, the man who went to the bathroom still had it up as if complaining.
I barely had the strength to breathe, but he looked perfectly fine.
I don’t know why his sight made my chest ache.
My knees throbbed after kneeling so long.
No, my entire body ached.
Since he had continued from behind without even looking at my face, if it didn’t hurt, it would be strange.
The pain was in my heart more than my body.
I buried my face in the pillow to hide it.
When he disappeared into the bathroom, the room filled with heavy silence.
“......”
For the past few days, my appetite had been gone.
I couldn’t eat properly.
My hand trembled as I reached for my phone.
I breathed slowly in.
I turned on the phone screen.
My eyes went to the messages rather than the numbers showing 5 a.m.
[Come home a bit today.]
A message from my stepmother.
It was sent last night.
I had only seen it now because I was busy with him.
The moment I checked the message was more exhausting than my body that had suffered all night.
It felt like my throat was being strangled.
My breath was blocked.
It was like I had weights tied to my ankles and was being dragged underwater.
No matter how much I struggled, I couldn’t surface.
I felt myself getting closer and closer to death.
A beep sounded in my ear.
I lifted my hand and rubbed my left ear vigorously.
I weakly set the phone down.
On the bedside table, I picked up the hearing aid and plugged it into my left ear.
“Haa... ah.”
Finally, I could breathe.
The weight on my shoulders disappeared.
The sound of running water came clearly from the bathroom where he was.
I raised my hand and rubbed the hearing aid in my left ear.
My left ear doesn’t hear anything.
With the hearing aid, I can at least hear something.
But it was getting worse as time passed.
It hadn’t always been like this.
When I was young, I had a high fever.
I couldn’t tell my grandmother who went to the market from dawn until late at night what really happened.
I let the illness grow.
My grandmother found out late and rushed me to the hospital.
But it was already too late.
“I’m sorry, Halmeoni. I’m sorry, my dear.”
The words kept echoing.
I couldn’t endure it.
My feet felt like they were crumbling.
I chose to keep my mouth shut.
‘I just want you to know I’ve been holding it in a lot. I need to build up my stamina. Otherwise, I’ll die.’
His gentle voice lingered near my ear.
How strange.
He had already left my heart.
I hated him so much.
Yet I couldn’t let go of the one who had been kind to me.
If I kept hurting, would my feelings for him fade?
Then I wanted to be hurt as much as possible.
Even if that made this heart shrink.