The Weight of Silence
I opened my eyes and immediately checked the time.
“Ha…”
A sigh of relief escaped me. It was a blessing. I had almost overslept.
I pushed myself up from the bed and a groan tore from my throat. Not a single spot on my body—waist, hips, everywhere—didn’t hurt. Of course. We’d done so much. If I wasn’t sore, that would have been stranger.
I ran my fingers through my messy hair and forced strength into my legs. It was hard, but I wanted to learn. Even knowing he hated it, I’d shown up every single day without fail.
I headed to the bathroom to wash the tangled body that had clung to me all night.
He was probably eating breakfast with his mother and father right now.
I don’t need to eat it, I’d said. If we eat together, the food will taste bland. He’d glanced away, voice sharp with reluctance.
I pressed my lips together. Under the shower, I turned the faucet and cold water rushed down. Even with weak pressure, my nipples throbbed like they might fall off.
I’d deliberately pinched them to make him suffer. Of course this was the result. Why did pain resist me so stubbornly?
I lathered my hair and scrubbed my body. Between my legs, his traces remained. Just looking at them made my face burn. After everything he’d done, seeing the water drip from the floor made me want to sink into the tiles.
I hurried through the shower, rubbed on lotion, and blow-dried my hair.
“…What?”
I stopped with the hearing aid halfway in. I tilted my head.
Why did the right ear feel so muffled?
“Ha…”
I needed to visit the hospital. Maybe today? But my body, tormented all night, had screamed for sleep instead. I’d chosen rest.
I stepped into the living room. The silence felt suffocating. I glanced at the table, rubbed my stiff neck, and frowned.
Who cleared it? It wasn’t him. Then… Aunt?
“Ah…”
That strange sound—the table moving—still echoed in my head. I fled to the kitchen. How did he eat from the table, anyway?
Of course, I’d never actually used it.
I stepped outside. Sharp wind sliced through my skin. I instinctively curled my shoulders. That wind… the same one from the day I first met him.
He’d taken off his coat for me when I shivered. Later, when we grew closer, he’d pulled me inside and held me without letting go. People didn’t matter. I was the first one. The one he loved.
“……”
He opened the main gate and appeared. The moment he spotted me, his face twisted. I forced my lips into a smile anyway.
He walked past me without slowing, heading straight for the garage. I hobbled after him, the pain in my knee worse than yesterday. I couldn’t walk straight.
“Bye.”
I called after him as he climbed into the car. He didn’t even glance back. The door slammed shut behind him.
I stood frozen in the driveway until the car became a distant speck.
I was getting used to this, wasn’t I?
Because of memories of his gentleness, I couldn’t move forward. How easy it would be to tell myself this didn’t matter at all.
I didn’t like my own personality either. That was why he hated me more, wasn’t it?
I smiled bitterly and turned away. I crossed the garden, pushed open the main gate, and went inside.
“You’re here?”
Aunt Hong spoke awkwardly, as if she didn’t know me, even though I could clearly see her distaste.
“Yes. I came to greet Grandmother.”
“Just a moment.”
After seeing him off to work, the first thing I always did was greet Grandmother. I visited every morning and evening, but Aunt had to be told first.
The reason?
“Wash your hands.”
It was because of the family’s long-standing shaman. She said we must wash our hands before meeting Grandmother. After purifying ourselves with the sacred water given by the dragon who ruled the waters, only then could we meet her.
“I’m done.”
Aunt Hong dipped the remaining water into a willow branch from the shaman and sprayed it over me from head to toe.
“You may enter.”
“Thank you.”
I knocked lightly on the door of Grandmother’s room. A small “Come in” sounded from inside. I counted one, two, three in my head and stepped in.
“You’re here?”
“Yes. Did you sleep well?”
“It’s fine. Do-hyun went to work, right?”
He hadn’t greeted her this morning. I wondered why, given how important his greetings were, but I didn’t show it.
“Yes. He left not long ago.”
A heavy sigh escaped Grandmother’s lips. She seemed unhappy. I wasn’t surprised—her health was fragile and her moods swung wildly—but it still worried me.
“He’s usually so gentle. But in this house, when he’s cold, he’s the coldest one there. Is it hard for you?”
Every word she said was true. Even when he was gentle, he was cold. I was feeling it for myself these days.
“No. It’s not hard.”
Honestly, it was a lie. But this kind of pain I could sleep through. As long as I was next to him, I was satisfied.
The one year he’d given me felt like nothing now. No matter how he saw me, it was enough. I was grateful I could have him at all. I didn’t know how I’d survived those months apart. I’d been ready to die for him.
“The vice-presidential ceremony is coming soon. I probably won’t be able to go. Prepare properly.”
“Yes, I will.”
After the wedding, I’d attended parties and struggled because I wasn’t used to it. He’d worried over every detail.
Now I had to do it alone. The thought made me feel lost already. But I had to. So he could inherit Baekgang Group. So he could stand at the top of the world.
That was why I was here.
I answered with more courage than I felt.
“Then go rest. You’ve worked hard.”
“Yes. I’ll see you at dinner.”
“Mm.”
I stood up and walked toward the door. Grandmother clicked her tongue short and sharp. She’d probably seen me limping. I’d tried not to, but the pain was unbearable. I had no choice but to hobble outside.
My mother and Aunt always did the same—they looked right through me.
“I’ll go.”
I bowed to my mother and left the main house. The moment I stepped into the annex, I collapsed onto the bed.
“……”
Stepmother had said she’d come home for the weekend. It was only two days away.
I should see my siblings too, but I couldn’t bring myself to go because of my father or Jin Yeon-a. I had no choice, though. My chest tightened with helplessness.
I’d tried searching for Grandmother, but every attempt failed. I knew Father had hidden the truth to stop her from being found.
I wanted to tell him everything and ask for help, but guilt stopped me. Every time I almost confessed, something happened that shattered it all.
I hadn’t even known about the USB Father slipped into my bag. When he found it, I was already branded a traitor and had no way to undo it.
Father slipped away like an eel, as planned. The man under him had taken the fall in his place. Father had arranged it so the world thought I’d betrayed him and stolen from his account.
Because of me, the company took a huge hit. The vice-presidential ceremony was delayed for over a year and had only just been set.
“Ha…”
I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, but sleep wouldn’t come. Just moments ago I’d been so exhausted I would have fainted if I closed my eyes.
Was it Father? Him? Or me?
I rubbed my clogged ears and removed the hearing aid. Would I feel better if I couldn’t hear at all?
No. It wasn’t like that.
I smiled faintly, unsure of my own heart, and pulled the blanket over my head.