The Bitter Aftertaste of a Forced Smile
The Annex at the Baekgang Hotel, the designated meeting place, had come into view. Today was the day he would take office as the vice president of the Baekgang Group.
Passing through the lobby, I stepped into the elevator. The high heel of my shoe made my ankle feel like it was about to snap at any moment. The tall, narrow steps were as precarious as walking on a tightrope.
I caught my reflection in the elevator door and let out a tiny sigh.
The intense black mark on my name had forced me to wear black stockings. He hadn’t even noticed they were stained, and he was still tormenting me all night long.
“...Ugh.”
I shifted my legs slightly. The pain made my brows knit together on their own. The dress I wore today was so tight that every inch of my body felt suffocated. The most suffocating part was my chest.
I tucked a strand of hair behind my left ear, concealing the hearing aid. I didn’t want anyone to see it. Only my family and no one else knew.
Then the doctor’s words came back to me.
“The right ear is also losing power right now. Please get a proper hearing test. If this continues, the right ear will definitely have problems.”
I touched the right ear and straightened my posture. I had vaguely known that something was wrong with the right ear as well. I had expected this outcome. Hearing it from the doctor, though, made me feel strangely lightheaded.
The elevator stopped. The doors opened. I stepped out, and the grand banquet hall decorated with colorful flowers came into view. Seeing so many people, I unconsciously stopped in my tracks.
“Bring your wife too so she can have one meal.”
The father’s venomous voice echoed in my ears, and I bit my lip. I quickly released it before the makeup could smear.
Because of him, my head throbbed. My eyes felt gritty, and my ears felt muffled. I wanted to turn around and run away like this.
“........”
The man wearing a perfectly tailored black suit stopped my heart. He had a pocket square tucked into his pocket. My gaze kept drifting toward it. There was a time when he had asked me to pin it on him myself.
The man approaching me was knitting his brows slightly, so only I could tell that he was displeased. Everyone else saw nothing.
I wanted to ask why he was wearing such an expression even on the day he had waited for so long to take office. Since I already knew the reason, I closed my lips and folded my hands in front of me.
“Why are you so late? You can’t even keep a simple time promise?”
“...I’m sorry.”
Any excuse about traffic would have been a lie. I simply chose to apologize. A heavy sigh escaped his lips and pressed down on my shoulders.
“Smile. Stop making that kind of face and messing up people’s moods.”
“...Yes.”
Forcing the corners of my mouth upward, my lips trembled. His sharp gaze pierced through my face.
“Ha... How could I have been fooled by such a pathetic performance?”
His voice trembled as he whispered. My head drooped.
“Hold your chin high. People don’t know anything. Smile like a doll, okay?”
“...Yes. I’ll do that.”
My eyes were red, but soon I smiled the way he wanted. When he wrapped an arm around my waist, I secretly held my breath.
My heart was pounding like an idiot in this situation.
“Hello. Congratulations on your vice presidential appointment.”
“Thank you. How have you been? It’s been a while. Is it about a year?”
I was surrounded by people congratulating him on his vice presidential appointment. Standing beside him like a doll, greeting everyone with a pretty smile.
He was acting so affectionately, but it only made me happier. It felt like I had returned to the past. I smiled radiantly at the man who stroked my hair.
His expression changed when he saw my smile. He raised an eyebrow.
“Can I have a moment alone with you?”
The tone was polite, but contempt dripped from his eyes.
“I’ll make a quick call and be right back.”
“Yes. Please do.”
He let go of my waist as if being with me was repulsive and turned. I watched his retreating back as he left the banquet hall without me. My eyes felt grittier than before. I had considered wiping away the fake tears, but I had left them. I regretted it sharply.
“Congratulations, Madam.”
“Thank you.”
He still hadn’t returned even after a long time. Every time people surrounded me and spoke to me, my shoulders tensed. My head, which had throbbed from the start, now felt like someone was stabbing it repeatedly with needles.
Still, I couldn’t show any sign of discomfort. I struggled to keep the conversation going.
Why wasn’t he coming back? Was the call taking too long? Had something happened? The corners of my mouth lost all strength. I felt like I was going insane from the awkwardness and pressure.
“Where is Vice President Baek?”
His name echoed as I searched for him. I excused myself and stepped outside. Actually, I was suffocating. I checked the surroundings, but I couldn’t find him.
Since I had come out, I wanted to rest somewhere without people for a moment. I opened the emergency exit door.
Startled,
People were present on the lower floor. A woman’s voice reached my ears. I grabbed the handle without turning around. It wasn’t polite to eavesdrop, so I tried to leave.
“Do-hyun...!”
His name spilled from a stranger’s mouth, and my feet stopped. I turned my head slowly.
“I’m in so much pain. How long do I have to meet you secretly? Huh?”
I walked without making noise and gripped the handrail. I leaned my head out and looked down,
“...Hah!”
A woman was in his arms.
“I told you I wanted to stop. How can you do this? I love you so much, and there’s... Ugh. Huuuh...”
He gently patted the woman’s back as she cried. My heart squeezed as if it would tear apart. I couldn’t stay there any longer and ran out.
Right away, I entered the bathroom and wiped my hands with cold water. I scrubbed as if filth had been smeared on me—scrub, scrub, scrub—but the unease wouldn’t go away.
I scrubbed for a long time, then looked up at the mirror. A woman who looked like she would burst into tears was crying. Why did the image of him comforting that woman keep flashing before my eyes?
“It was a mistake... I saw it wrong,”
But I knew I hadn’t seen it wrong. I just didn’t want to believe it.
“Pull yourself together. Come to your senses.”
I closed my eyes tightly and opened them, but the image of their tender moment stayed burned into my eyes.
“A... Huuuh...”
My chest hurt too much. I sat down on the floor. I no longer had the strength to stand.
Tears fell, wetting the floor. A year later, we were supposed to part ways and live separately. I already knew he no longer had feelings for me.
Yet when I saw him holding another woman, my heart ached. It felt like salt was being poured onto a torn wound.
It was selfish, but I couldn’t help it. I hated it. Seeing him with another woman. No, I hated that he loved another woman.
What should I do?
Ah... Maybe I should just give up.
Desperately asking an answerless question, I staggered up at the sound of people approaching.
“Um... Are you okay?”
A woman approached and asked worriedly. Since I knew she could tell by my appearance, I nodded without looking at the mirror.
“Yes, I’m fine. Thank you.”
I left the spot, hiding my messy face with my hair.
Even though I knew I had to return to the banquet hall, my feet took me toward the elevator. I didn’t have the courage to face his face. And I had to smile the way he wanted.
I couldn’t smile.
As soon as I got on the elevator, tears spilled over. I wiped them roughly with the back of my hand. Whether my makeup ruined or not, I bit my lip.
I felt like the floor was collapsing beneath me. I couldn’t do anything. I wanted to go to him right away and ask who the woman was, but I didn’t have the right to.
Crying, I got into a taxi. The reality of having no friends to meet when I got off work was depressing. And it was even more depressing. Since I couldn’t go to the clinic for real, the only place I had was his family home’s annex.
I crossed the Hannam-dong estate listlessly. At the annex, I didn’t even take off my clothes and lay on the bed. I removed the hearing aid and threw it carelessly anywhere.
Everything was bothersome. If only I hadn’t listened to him and smiled obediently at people, why did I open the emergency exit door? I wanted to see that sight.
Fool. Idiot.
“Huuuh... Ugh... Huuuh...”
The sorrow exploded, and I couldn’t hold back my tears. Since no one was in the annex, this was possible.