Even If It’s Me, You Can Live Well
pThe first thing that caught my attention from the very beginning of the conversation about a separation was my mother. I didn’t know how to explain it to her, so I thought about it a lot. No matter how I thought about it, the best option was for her not to know the fact and just move on with it, but even if I somehow lied about it, I would eventually have to tell her the truth. pAfter I filed for divorce, I still couldn’t hide it. Still, I wished I had bought a little more time. I hadn’t talked about it before because I had thought it was okay to bring it up after the separation, and I thought it would be better not to mention it even after the move. pSo I had started calling her less frequently. While I was on the phone with her, I was careful not to say anything by accident, so I kept my distance. Now that I thought about it, my mother, who used to stop by the house now and then to see Yun-woo, wasn’t coming around as much lately. pShe was already very cautious, and she always called before coming over, so I felt grateful and at the same time I felt like I was being unfilial to my mother. p“Is this what they call the roles being reversed?”
pTae-yeon let out a sigh. The cold winter air had formed ice on the windows. It all started with my mother’s hospital bills. I had signed the contract, of course my crush on Choi Hyun-seo played a big role, but the most important thing was the money. pAs Choi Hyun-seo had said at the very beginning, the price of resigning was sweet, and I didn’t have to worry about my mother’s hospital bills. I had received a house where my mother could live comfortably, and it really hurt in many ways, but I was thinking it was the right decision. pI thought I should stop by soon and talk to her, so I called in advance. After the phone rang for a long time, my mother finally picked up. p“Hello.”
pThe low, sinking voice hit my chest. Tae-yeon was surprised and worried. p“Your voice sounds very bad, Mom. What happened? Did your body suddenly get worse? Why is your voice like that?”
pBut despite her surprised outburst, Kyung-ja was calm. p“No, it’s nothing. I just woke up from sleep. When you lie down and sleep, your voice gets hoarse.”
p“Really? I mean… then did I wake you up from your sleep?”
p“No. But why? Did you call because of something?”
pThis time, Kyung-ja asked urgently. Maybe she was wondering if her in-laws weren’t ignoring her or if she had argued with her husband. p“No, I’m doing fine. I just called because I wanted to check on you. How is my precious mother doing these days? Mom, should I come by the house?”
p“No. Don’t come.”
pI knew she had misunderstood. Why would my mother, who always told me to come over, say not to come?
p“Tae-yeon-ah. I’m going out to play with my friends. See you later.”
p“Going out to play? Is Mom okay?”
pMy mother had never traveled before, but now she was talking about a trip suddenly. Had her body improved that much?
p“Yeah. It’s fine.”
p“It seems your mother’s body has really gotten better, saying she’s going to travel everywhere.”
p“Yes. My body has improved. Before, I was so busy with housework and didn’t want to show how poor I was, so I didn’t meet friends. But now that my daughter has married into a chaebol family and there’s no worry about hospital bills, I should go out and play.”
pIt was so fortunate that my mother thought that way. So I shouldn’t even bring up the separation or the divorce. p“Tae-yeon-ah. I’m taking my medicine well, so my condition is good, and I get to play with my friends and all.”
p“That’s good, Mom. Then after your trip, when you have some time later, call me then. I’ll come by.”
pI felt light because my mother was doing well. p“Mom, I know a great seafood jjim place that I love. We can go together, eat, and shop too. When I meet my friends, I’ll buy something nice.”
p“Yes. All good. Don’t worry about me and take good care of Yun-woo and Choi Seon-bang. I am so grateful to that person. He is the benefactor of our house.”
pBenefactor. It could be. Choi Hyun-seo solved everything with money. I knew that even for a short time as an employee and as a wife, he deserved the compensation. pAs soon as I heard my mother say Choi Seon-bang was grateful, she immediately sensed something strange and asked, p“Were you fighting with Choi Seon-bang?”
pOh, my mother’s eyes were sharp as a hawk. That was why I had tried to avoid calling. p“Spouse fights are common everywhere.”
p“Tae-yeon-ah, don’t fight. A wife who can’t take care of a husband who is working hard is no good. I live thinking there is no one as kind as this person.”
pI had already started the separation. Even if you’re grateful and like someone, you can’t do everything. My throat tightened like I had swallowed a sweet potato. p“Yes. Well, that’s true. But sometimes it feels annoying…”
pA single line anyone could say. To my mother, this was just a passing spouse fight. But I couldn’t say anything more underneath like an iceberg. Still, this one line pierced through the enormous pressure in my heart and gave it air. pBecause it was my mother. Because she was my eternal supporter and my most loving mother. p“Tae-yeon-ah, it’s only natural. So it’s annoying. There’s no way to live without hardship.”
p“Have I started to fall out of love with that person?”
pI pierced a hole again in the tightly closed chest. Because it was my mother. p“Tae-yeon-ah, but love… oh I don’t know. Do you say things like that when you have free time? I struggled to walk hand in hand with my father in this world. I couldn’t have a grand romance, but looking back, he was a really grateful person.”
p“Dad loved Mom, right?”
pAt least not like Choi Hyun-seo. His heart wasn’t empty; he had sex and, when needed, he was an employee, and when needed, he was a wife. It wasn’t like that. p“Try it. Is there anyone as amazingly good? Even one person who can walk hand in hand with the storms of this world and fight them together while living life is enough to make you feel alive, right? Forget the small things that sting and shake them off.”
pI couldn’t do that. He doesn’t hold my hand. So how do we cross the world together?
pBut I could say no more. p“Don’t worry, Mom. It’s not that. I am doing well. I just tried to pout a little to my mother.”
p“Yes, then later I’ll see you with Choi Seon-bang.”
pAfter saying goodbye and hanging up, it was strange. p“Uh, but I don’t know. Mom says her body is better and she meets friends and goes on trips, but why do I feel so heavyhearted?”
pSo maybe it wasn’t because of Mom, but because I was the one feeling this way after the separation. I couldn’t exactly pinch it, but after hanging up, Tae-yeon’s heart was still uneasy. pThe moment Tae-yeon hung up, Kyung-ja dialed again. There was nothing she could say; her body was too weak. She had undergone dialysis twice already. Anyway, it was a life of barely surviving day by day. How long could she continue to be a burden to her daughter like this?
pShe didn’t want her daughter, who had such a good husband and a beautiful son, to get weighed down by her when she was at the peak of happiness. Kidney transplants were no small thing, with a low success rate, and she couldn’t let her daughter handle all the medical stuff in every way. pAnyway, everyone had said it was hard. There were complications. So this was the best. Even though it would leave her daughter alone, she would get some insurance money when she died. pThinking this way, tears flowed down her cheeks. She pushed away all the suffering people and wished for Tae-yeon to live wealthy, healthy, and yes, happily. p* * *
pThe door opened with a knock. It was Hwang, the director. Just from the way she entered, it seemed like she was about to give a report about something difficult. Hyun-seo looked at Hwang with a face asking what the matter was. p“The chairman said he would come in a little while and left a message.”
p“A little while later, there’s the board meeting.”
p“Yes, but the chairman said it’s urgent, so it won’t take long.”
p“If it’s that simple, why come in person when you could have done it by phone? Do you know something?”
p“I don’t know, but…”
p“Don’t know, but?”
pThat meant she had a suspicion. p“Tell me.”
p“Recently, your private expenses have been very high.”
p“Ah! I see. It must be about a woman. I’ll tell the company it’s a little late.”
p“Yes, understood.”
pLately, Choi Hyun-seo seemed to have a lot of wind in his sails, so Hwang, under instruction, had investigated. She had bought enormous luxury items. Looking at the diamonds and limited-edition luxury bags she purchased, it seemed like the flow of wealth was starting. pOf course, it wasn’t a house that would change with that level of gift, but I couldn’t deny that my father’s mistress had quite luxurious tastes. Then was the reason she came directly to me because of that? pThen, even though it wasn’t welcome, it seemed like there might be something to trade with my father.