A Quiet Pain in the Morning Light

I lay in bed for a long time after the door clicked shut behind him, staring at the ceiling that had suddenly become too white.

How many o’clock was it?

The moment I opened my eyes, the room was still pitch dark. Even sitting up to stretch was a struggle because the dress had pinched me so tightly. The bruises on my lower back burned with every tiny shift, but I ignored them.

I stripped out of the dress, stepped into the bathroom, and stood under the shower. The moment I turned the knob, ice-cold water hammered down on me. Was I really that cold? The spots where the water hit me started stinging like needles. The pain spread, hot and sharp.

When I finally switched to hot water, the ache in my chest eased a little. I lowered my gaze and saw the fresh marks blooming across my chest. Red finger-shaped bruises, the exact shape of his hands from last night.

I had spent the whole night crying, screaming, and clawing at him. Every single place he had touched me still throbbed.

And he had only touched me because I wasn’t enough.

The thought that he might be out there right now with someone else—someone who wasn’t me—felt like my ribs were being torn apart.

He hadn’t come home yet. If he had, he would have been so furious he didn’t even say a word. He never spoke when he was angry.

I let the water run for a while longer, then stepped out. The clock on the vanity said it was almost four in the morning. My wet eyes looked so dark they seemed almost black.

He… was he with her?

The thing that had always annoyed him most was how easily I cried. Now it was as if he had finally decided I was nothing to him. My nose burned with the sting of unshed tears. I had thought I had cried enough, but I was wrong. My eyes kept spilling fresh ones.

I didn’t want to cry, so I rubbed the corners of my eyes hard with the back of my hand. I ignored the reddened rims, slapped on some cooling lotion, and tried to dry my hair.

A sound came from outside the door.

Had he just come home?

I hurried into the living room. The second I stepped in and saw him standing in the middle of the floor watching me, our eyes met and I froze.

A single drop of water fell from the wet strands at my temple and soaked the top of my foot.

He looked furious. His brows drew together, then his chest rose sharply. In the next instant he was right in front of me.

“Ugh!”

The grip on my shoulder was so tight that a helpless sound slipped out. Pain flared through my arm, but I couldn’t pull away. I was simply held there, pinned, unable to move.

Did he enjoy watching me suffer?

The look he gave me was colder than contempt. He wanted to be indifferent. Maybe because today the pain was too much. Or maybe the shock had made him numb.

I couldn’t hide the hurt on my face.

“You left without even saying hello to your father? Do I mean that much to you?”

It was his inauguration day. Father would have been there, of course. I had come home without a word, and he was probably furious. But not as angry as I was right now.

I lowered my gaze. I couldn’t bear to look at him. The scent of him—his cologne mixed with the faint trace of a woman’s perfume—burned at the back of my throat. I clenched my teeth so hard my jaw trembled. Tears spilled down my cheeks before I could stop them.

“…Actually, Do-hyun… actually…”

I wanted to tell him. I wanted to say that he was loving someone else, and that I wanted even a sliver of forgiveness.

“Back then, your father… um!”

But the moment I opened my mouth, he clamped his large hand over it. My eyes widened. My voice choked off. My breath stopped completely.

“Shut up.”

The shaking in my chin stopped as if someone had switched it off. I looked up at him in disbelief.

“I hate what you’re saying. If you can’t speak properly, don’t.”

The voice that came out between gritted teeth was freezing. I slowly blinked, then caught his wrist and pulled his hand away.

I forced a smile and asked the question I had been terrified to ask.

“Do you… really hate me that much?”

He lowered his head, then lifted it and looked straight into my eyes. Ah. I should never have asked.

“Yes. I hate you. You’re disgusting.”

“….”

What could I even say? I realized that no matter how honestly I told him, nothing would change. He had already thrown me away long ago.

Someone else had entered his life. From the cold look on his face, he had finally accepted the truth. Or maybe I had known all along and simply refused to believe it.

I stared at him with aching eyes, but my hand didn’t reach him.

He laid me on the floor as if that was all I was good for. He didn’t even bother to take off the rest of his clothes and simply pushed his pants aside, then entered me in one rough thrust.

“Slow…!”

Each time, I had always told him I couldn’t keep up, yet he thrust deep into my chest anyway. I shoved at his shoulder. He gave me an irritated look, twisted his body, and, with me lying on the floor, pulled my hips up and slammed into me again.

The sharp pain made me gasp. I knew I couldn’t push him away in this position. I could only lie there and take every brutal push and pull behind me.

“Ha… haaa!”

Without a sound, tears streamed down my face. I watched his breasts bounce with every thrust and felt the scream building in my throat. Why, when he had someone else he loved, did he have to do this to me? I wanted to bite him, to hate him, to scream—

But the hand that had once gently stroked my back now grabbed my neck and squeezed until I couldn’t breathe. The body that had once trembled with pleasure was now shaking with violent, merciless release.

There was no love in it. Yet my body reacted anyway—violently, greedily, completely.

In the end I shattered beneath the pleasure, sobbing and screaming. He pounded into me so hard that the breath was knocked out of my lungs. His hips trembled, then he pulled out. The same violent trembling happened again, and I felt his seed pulse inside me with every spurt.

The hot, sticky streaks dripped down my thighs.

I felt his gaze on me as if it were a blade.

“Wait… just a moment… Do-hyun…!”

He righted my collapsed waist and thrust back in immediately. My eyes widened as the size inside me grew even bigger. But he didn’t care. He lifted my hips and stood up with me still impaled.

Pah! Pah-pah! Pah-pah!

My feet barely touched the floor before he swung me away again.

“Fwooh… haaaah!”

I was still standing, cradled in his arms, and the pain from the thrusts between my legs was unbearable. But he didn’t stop. If anything, he pushed even harder.

Without a sound, I cried. I took every brutal thrust, every savage push, and endured—endured—until I couldn’t anymore.

I endured it once in the bathroom. Twice in the bedroom.

Then, when I finally couldn’t bear it any longer, he pinned me from behind one last time, pierced me, and I passed out.

I had no appetite. I set my spoon down and couldn’t force even one bite.

“Thank you for the meal. I’m going to work first.”

“Sure. Have a good day at the office.”

“Yes.”

My parents noticed my bad mood but didn’t ask about last night. The guilt of having married the wrong person was already crushing me; I didn’t want them to see how much worse it had gotten.

Thinking of Jin Yeon-woo only made my stomach twist. And yet she would walk in with that innocent look, as if nothing had happened.

My throat felt tight. I fiddled with my tie, but I didn’t pull it down. I just kept my face under control.

When I stepped outside, the cold air did nothing to soothe me. Ever since I started living with Jin Yeon-woo again, my chest had felt permanently constricted, as if something heavy was pressing on it. But that wasn’t the worst part. What hurt most was the daily ache of feeling worthless.

I crossed the garden, intending to tell her one thing, when I saw she wasn’t standing where she should be.

“Hah. Fucking hell…”

How had I become this kind of person?

I raked my fingers through my hair and walked past the spot where she was supposed to be waiting with her hands folded. I climbed into the car, rolled down the window, and let the cold air hit my face.

The anger didn’t fade.

Why had I married her? No—why had I ever found her so beautiful?

Why had I been so weak to her trembling fingers? How had I let myself be fooled so completely?

I had no idea what her true intentions were.

I had regretted it so many times, hated myself so many times. I should have stopped by now. But the rage inside me never cooled.

Even though I was living with her, even though I kept touching her every single day.

“…What a pathetic bastard.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing. Drive.”

“Yes, understood.”

The driver glanced at me in surprise, but I gave him a small smile. The moment he turned back to the road, his forehead furrowed.

But he didn’t say anything else.